Thoughts on Being a Teen Mom: Part 2: Pregnancy

So there I was at Planned Parenthood, just having found out I was pregnant. My friend that was with me was freaking out, much more so than me. I think I was in shock at this point, but I was determined to deal with the situation. The next thing I had to do was tell my boyfriend.

This wasn't easy, we had only been dating for 6 weeks at this point. I didn't know him that well and didn't know how he would react. He already was divorced and had a 3 year old daughter. He didn't see her that often and the relationship was strained. As soon as he got off of work I met him at his house. I just told him and then proceeded to cry my eyes out. He handled it well and reassured me it would be ok and that he would support me whatever I wanted to do. I told him both abortion and adoption were not options for me, I couldn't go through with either one. Adoption is one of the most selfless things a person who is not ready to be a parent can do, I just knew emotionally I couldn't have lived with myself knowing I had given up my baby.

Then we made plans on what to do next. He was renting a room from someone and it obviously was not enough space for both of us and a baby. I was already planning to move out due to the situation at home so instead of moving forward with moving in with friends from work we started looking for apartments. We found a brand new 2 bedroom apartment in a nice area of town and moved in the next month.

My troubles weren't over yet, I still had lots of people to break the news to. Lots of people who I knew would be very disappointed in me. I knew I needed to tell my mom but I couldn't bring myself to do it at first. I ended up waiting almost 2 weeks and I was miserable the entire time. It was eating away at me inside and I knew I had to just tell her. She was upset, she cried, and she was disappointed in me. She even asked me if I considered abortion which shocked me considering my Christian upbringing. I told her my plan and I think she slowly came to terms with it. She helped me find a doctor and we scheduled my first appointment.

Things weren't all rosy from here on out either. My boyfriend was a "bad boy", he had been in trouble with the law his entire life, he jumped from job to job, he lied, he cheated on me, it truly was horrible. Of course I didn't know this going into it and here I was pregnant and determined to make the best of it and do what I could to keep our little family together. I scarified and strived to make this relationship work only to be lied to, cheat on, and be emotionally destroyed time and time again. At the time I thought I didn't really have any other options. I was 17, pregnant, and there was no way my mom could financially support me, plus I am very independent and was determined to take care of the situation on my own.

The relationship problems started early on. Within weeks of moving into our apartment my boyfriend was in trouble with the law again, this time he was driving without a license. He probably was cheating on me from the beginning of our relationship but I didn't find out until I was 38 weeks pregnant. When I found out, it was in a big way, finding out he had not only been cheating but he was in trouble with law again. This time much more serious, though he covered everything with lies and reassurances that it was no big deal and that everything would be ok.

I was already working full-time and gong to school full-time, remember I'm independent and stubborn. Once I found out I was pregnant I knew my job as a waitress, even though it paid ok, wasn't going to cut it. I needed something with regular hours and health insurance. I followed up on a job lead through my friend's mom's company but it didn't pan out. I started applying a various banks and took a position as a teller when I was about 20 weeks pregnant. I put in my notice at my current job went through all the training to only find out they didn't realize I wouldn't be 18 for another 6 weeks and they could not hire anyone under 18 due to bonding issues (a bank thing). I was devastated to say the least. I had quit my waitress job and here it was, not long before Christmas and I was jobless. I amped up the job search and kept looking, knowing no one would want to hire someone who is obviously pregnant, so my window of finding a job was closing as my belly was growing. I was teeny, tiny before I was pregnant so it took forever for me to show. My belly at 24 weeks was barely bigger than my belly now (sad I know) but around 28 weeks I just popped and looked huge! I was starting to get discouraged when I got a call from one of the banks I had applied at over a month ago. They were still hiring and wanted me to come in for an interview. I had scored the last bank job, so I knew I had to ace this interview. Thank the lord, it went well and I started the next week. My job at the bank was a Godsend. It paid decent, had great benefits, and I loved it. I worked my way up in the company and was successful, I stayed there for 6 years and only left when I went to pursue my bachelor's degree full-time.

Thankfully for me, I was a good student. I honestly had never gotten a grade lower than a "B" before my Junior year and then I only received 2 "C"'s all through high school. The graduation requirements at my high school were ridiculously easy. Even without taking a full course load junior year I had enough credits to graduate after first quarter except for 1 P.E. credit. My counselor allowed me to do this as a home school P.E. where I logged fitness hours and my mom signed off on it. I finished my two required classes 1st quarter and then stopped going to school because I was working full-time.

I didn't tell my friends I was pregnant until after the first trimester and we didn't tell my boyfriend's family until I was 4 months along. He was scared of their reaction and wanted to wait. I was kind of uncomfortable with this but thought it was his place to handle not mine.

We briefly discussed marriage but I was determined I was not going to get married simply because I was pregnant. My boyfriend had been married previously when he was 17 and his girlfriend was pregnant and that marriage barely lasted until the baby was 6 months old. After the initial shock wore off I began to get very excited about this little person growing inside of me. My love for her or him was growing by the day and even when I was pregnant I could hardly believe how much I loved him already. We talked about names and decided on a girls name, Brenna Riley, before we knew we were having a boy. The boys name took months longer, but we finally agreed and settled on B's name for the first name and my boyfriend's first name as the middle name.

Work was great and my pregnancy complication free. I honestly loved being pregnant and worked on my feet 9 hours a day up until 2 days before I went into labor. I didn't even get to that uncomfortable stage until 38 weeks, when I started to feel huge. My friends threw me a great baby shower and we made B a beautiful nursery decorated in a Winnie the Pooh theme. I really was happy and confident that things would work out.

Even after all the drama that ensued with my boyfriend right before B was born, I was determined to hold it together and make the best of things. I didn't tell many people, if anyone, about our problems. I have this bad habit of trying to be perfect. My B, who will be 10 years old tomorrow told me just yesterday, "It is silly to try to be perfect because there are only 2 people who are perfect, God and Jesus, no one else is perfect." Well said B! I still struggle with trying to be perfect but have learned with time it is ok to let some of your flaws show. B is right, no one is perfect. God, how I love that little boy!

More to come in Part 3: The Baby is Born

If you missed it: Part 1: How I Became a Teen Mom

Thoughts on Being a Teen Mom: Part 1: How I Became A Teen Mom

As some of you know, I was a teen mom. I was 17 and just starting my senior year of high school when I found out I was pregnant. I've been watching the MTV show 16 and Pregnant. My hubby hates the show and just thinks it is more reality TV nonsense but honestly the show makes me sad for the girls and their babies. To me it really highlights how the girls take on the brunt of the responsibility while most of the boys take on little or no new responsibility. It has also caused me to reflect back on my experiences as a teen mom.

My road to being a teen mom is probably different than most. I was raised a Christian. I went to church and was very active in youth group up until my Junior year of high school. You see our youth group was really cliquey and although everyone was nice on the surface I really wasn't friends with the in crowd at youth group. I began spending more and more time and growing closer to my school friends and less and less close to my church friends.

About halfway through my Sophomore year I went to my first party. I was such an innocent, good girl, I couldn't believe people were drinking at a party I was at. Needless to say, the party friends continued. Up until my Junior year, I had dated a few guys, but very informally, and very short lived (2-6 weeks). My junior year that all changed as well. I dated one guy I went to homecoming with for 6-8 weeks, but honestly wasn't that into him. Within a month of breaking up with him I was dating a guy I considered one of my best guy friends. That only lasted about 5 or 6 weeks. After our break up a friend and I ended up at his house on New Year's Eve. He had always been interested in my friend and he introduced me to his friend, my first "serious" boyfriend.

Growing up Christian I had always thought I would wait to have sex until I was married. Some of my friend's started having sex as young as 14 and I thought they were completely crazy! As I approached 17, more and more people were doing it (or so it seemed). My boyfriend and I ended up dating for about 6 months. We said we were in "love". Looking back I don't know how much he loved me or how much he was just interested in getting some. This guy was bad news. My friends called him "the devil" and he treated me poorly. He was quiet and anti-social and rarely wanted to go out and do anything fun. He rarely took me on dates or bought me flowers or really did anything to show his "love" for me. About 3 months into our relationship I got tired of his crap and broke up with him. I quickly moved on and this made him very upset. He came crawling back, professing his love for me and telling me to give him another try. Of course I did but our relationship was more of the same and he ended it a few months later with no real reason.

After our break up I became jaded, I thought all guys were jerks and after one main thing, sex. I was over the hot guys who thought they could treat girls like crap. A guy who hung in our circle was really interested in me. I wasn't interested in him but my friends convinced me to give him a chance since he was a good guy and would treat me well. It didn't last long and I broke off that relationship.

I continued on my path with my jaded view of guys and continued on with my party friends. We all hung in a circle of friends that included guys and girls. I had dated one of the guys casually sophomore year and still really liked him. He had a reputation for jumping from girl to girl and really was no good for me. We again casually dated the summer before Senior year and when another girl he was dating found out it was more and more drama. He really wasn't worth my time but something kept drawing me back to him. After a month or so he broke things off with me.

A month later I found out a guy at my work was interested in me. Honestly I would've never paid any attention to him. He was almost 5 years older and while my workplace was a lot of fun I wasn't looking to date anyone from work. Another female co-worker worked on hooking us up. We often didn't work the same schedule but soon enough our paths crossed and he got the nerve up to talk to me and give me his number. I was home alone while my family was vacationing and I was having some friends over. I casually invited him over and guess what? He showed up! If I would've known now how this relationship would shape my life forever.

After that night we were inseparable. We saw each other most days. He hung out with my friends, I hung out with his friends. My parents had recently separated and things were not going well for my mom financially. She had to sell our house and her and my sister were moving into a tiny 2 bedroom apartment in not the nicest part of town. I was working full-time and fiercely independent. I figured I would just move in with some of my co-workers. My mom didn't have money and I could support myself.

All that changed when I found out I was pregnant. My period was late, always was. My cycle seemed to come ever 6 weeks instead of 4 but I was pretty used to it at this time. I had started on the pill earlier that year when I had my first serious boyfriend. He was always very careful about using condoms on top of the pill so there was no chance I was getting pregnant. I stayed on the pill after we broke up but figured I didn't need it so never went back for another prescription. Once my boyfriend and I started dating and I realized things were getting serious I went back to Planned Parenthood to get another pill pack. They told me to start my new pack on the Sunday after my next period. Well that period never came. I guess I was stupid. I knew we were chancing it. I knew we should've been using condoms. I even said so a couple times. My boyfriend just brushed me off and I went with it. I guess being a teen you really think you are invincible and stuff like this will never happen to you.

The day I found out I was pregnant, one of my friend's had just delivered her baby. I remember visiting her in the hospital while she was in labor and after she had the baby. It had a different significance knowing in 9 months that would be me. I took a friend with me to Planned Parenthood to get a pregnancy test, just in case, so I could start my pill pack. I was in denial and thought there was no way I could be pregnant, though deep inside, I already knew. Sure enough the test was positive. There I was, September of my senior year of high school, 17 years old and pregnant.

More to come in Part 2: Thoughts on Being a Teen Mom: Pregnancy

And The Winner Is:

Anita


My giveaway of a copy of the book: Close Encounters of the Third Grade Kind by Phillip Done

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Anita said...
This book sound like fun! I'd love to read it and pass it along to some of my friends who teach.
I'm a follower.....of course!

Email: Extexgirl2@aol.com

I gave up twitter, but I'll try to blog about this later this week!

April 13, 2010 8:58 AM

Congratulations Anita! I've sent you an email, you have 48 hours to respond with your mailing address.

Thanks to everyone who entered!

12 Hours Until March For Babies and Still Need Help Reaching Our Goal

My wonderful son, B (9 years old) and I are walking tomorrow morning to help save babies. This is B's 2nd year walking and my 8th. The March of Dimes is a cause I am passionate about because I have seen how many lives they can change. The March of Dimes is the foundation behind the cure for polio and now they are focused on ending prematurity, infant mortality, and birth defects. The March of Dimes has made great strides since the prematurity campaign kicked off but there is still more work to be done and we need your help!

B and I will be walking rain or shine tomorrow morning 4 miles. Last year it rained the entire 6 mile route and rain is forecast for tomorrow but it won't dampen our spirit. If our efforts save even just one baby, it is worth all the effort!

Won't you support our efforts and make a donation to the March of Dimes? Any amount will help! $5, $10, it doesn't matter, just hurry, the walk is Sunday morning (4/25).

Head over to my March for Babies page:

www.marchforbabies.org/brennbug

-or-

B's

www.marchforbabies.org/brennan85926

Thank you for your support!

And as an additional thank you for helping the March of Dimes, each person who donates $5 or more by 6am EST to either me or B will receive two extra entries in my giveaway that ends tomorrow. Just leave a comment, letting me know you donated!

Fairytale Weddings Do Exist

On March 25, 2010, my only sibling, Andrea was married at a fairytale wedding at Disneyland. Disneyland did not disappoint and their wedding and reception was amazing.

Congratulations again to Andrea and Michael!

The beautiful bride and groom

First dance as husband and wife

FiFi was one of the flower girls, along with the groom's niece

The Mickey cake

Me and Wyn after the ceremony. Don't you love my hair?

B at the end of the reception

The reception room before flowers and complete set up

See, fairytales do exist!

Our California Adventure Part Two: San Diego

I love San Diego! The sunshine, great weather, miles of beaches, and nature. Before I met hubby my plan was to move to San Diego and go to law school there. Now we are on the complete opposite coast and I have three kids now, not one, and I am not in law school. As you all know, sometimes plans change. It truly is such a beautiful place and I try to spend at least a day or two there on each of our trips to California.

This trip we were lucky because we were able to stay with one of hubby's old friends. He and his wife are such fun, nice people to be around and their kids are as cute as be. They took us to two places in San Diego I had never been, Torrey Pines, to see the paragliders and hangliders, and to Point Loma to see Cabrillo National Monument. Sprinkle in some geocaching and authentic Mexican food (which is hard to come by on the East Coast) and you have the recipe for a great day!

Torrey Pines, San Diego, California

More at Torrey Pines

The view down the coast line

Hubby with the paragliders in the background

Hubby's first friend from kindergarten

FiFi the pretty, pretty princess

Cabrillo National Monument, Point Loma

Family photo

Cute kids!

Our trip to San Diego was a blast, good friends, and good times! We really had a great time.

BLT Mac and Cheese

I found this adult version of mac and cheese in The Pampered Chef cookbook 29 Minutes to Dinner. It is easily one of my favorite cookbooks. Don't worry Rachel Ray, I still love your cookbooks too!

My version:

Ingredients

1 box pasta (16 oz) any really will do. The last two times I have used bow tie pasta.

Grated Parmesan cheese, about a handful (I think recipe calls for 1 oz)

4oz grated sharp white cheddar (I only found this in a block and had my kids grate it for me)

4oz cream cheese

Salt

Pepper

1 large leek (Only use white and light green parts, discard rest)

3 medium plum tomatoes (any tomatoes will do but if you use a larger variety you probably need 1 1/2, smaller variety more than 3. Any amount will do, it usually ends up being about 2 handfuls of diced tomatoes).

8 slices of bacon






1) Pour 5 cups of water into medium-large sized pot and bring water to a boil. I do measure the amount of water in this recipe because it becomes part of the sauce and if you use too much the sauce will be too thin.



2) As water is coming to a boil fry bacon in another pan. Cook bacon extra crispy to facilitate easy crumbling.



3) Grate white cheddar cheese if not already done so. Do not add pasta to boiling water until you have all cheeses ready to add with pasta.



4) Add pasta, several shakes of salt and pepper, sharp white cheddar cheese, cream cheese, and Parmesan cheese to boiling water. Stir ingredients together well.



5) Boil covered for about 5 minutes. Stirring frequently.



6) As mixture boils, crumble bacon, slice leek into small pieces, dice tomatoes.



7) Continue stirring mixture (it has a tendency to stick). Add bacon and leek and continue over med-medium high heat for an additional 5-7 minutes. Sauce should be thickening.



8) When sauce is thickened add tomatoes and stir well.






Serve when hot. I also cooked this dish and transferred to crockpot for a dinner party this weekend and it served well from crockpot on warm if it cannot be served immediately.



This is one of my kids' new favorite dishes. Enjoy!

*Giveaway Has Ended* Review and Giveaway: Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind

By: Phillip Done

My Review

This book is a cute, fun, easy read. Having worked with children for the past 16 years and having three elementary aged children myself, I found the book quite amusing.

Phillip Done organizes the book into the months of the school year and includes sub topics in each month. Chapter titles go from August-June, with subtopics such as Fly on the Wall, Vanilla Wafers, The Tooth Fairy, Cursive, and Lunch Time. Each chapter is filled with little stories and events that coordinate with that month in the school year.

Having elementary aged children myself I appreciated the insight into the day-to-day classroom life of a teacher. Teachers have a hard job and as parents I don't think we can truly appreciate all a teacher does unless we have done it ourselves.

Kids truly are hilarious, often without really trying to be. The book is filled with cute stories and funny things kids say and do. Having volunteered in my daughter's 1st grade class weekly, I can attest that kids really are this funny.

The book is very lighthearted and easy to read. Several of the incidents that happened or things kids said to Mr. Done, truly made me laugh out loud.

At the end of the day, the book put a smile on my face, and made me appreciate even more what teachers do for our children. I would highly recommend it!

Giveaway

Hachette Book Group has agreed to giveaway a copy of Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done to one of my readers!

First Entry:

-Leave a comment on this post telling me what your favorite book is and why. This entry is required for your other entries to count.

Additional Entries:

-Subscribe to my feed and leave a separate comment.

-Subscribe to my feed via email and leave a separate comment.

-Follow my blog via Google friend connect and leave a separate comment (current followers also count).

-Blog about this giveaway and link back to the giveaway. Leave a comment with the link to your post.

-Follow me on Twitter and tweet about this giveaway. Leave a comment with a link to your tweet. You can tweet once a day for an additional entry. Just copy and paste: @dishes_laundry is giving away a copy of the book Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind http://www.dishesandlaundry.com/2010/04/review-and-giveaway-close-encounters-of.html

Please leave your email address in your entries. You cannot win if I cannot contact you!

Contest ends 4/25/2010 at 9:00pm EST. Contest is open to residents of the United States and Canada. Mailing address of winner cannot be a P.O. Box. Winner will be drawn using random.org. Winner will be contacted via email and have 48 hours to claim their prize.

Good luck!

*I was provided a copy of the book by Hachette Book Group to facilitate the review. Hachette Book Group is also providing a copy of the book to one of my readers for the giveaway. This is not a paid review and all statements in the review are solely my opinion.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to you and yours! I hope today was a blessed day for you.



Have you noticed some changes around here? I now own my own URL www.dishesandlaundry.com, wow, I'm such a big girl. Since I was changing things I also updated my Twitter handle to tie into my blog title better, I am now @dishes_laundry but if you follow me @brennbug it automatically switched over so no need to worry.

Today was a laid back day for us. We went to FiFi's BFF's little sister's 3rd birthday last night and it was quite the rocking party. Having only lived in the area for a year now we still only know so many people. We were thrilled when they invited us promising it would be more of a BBQ, chance for the kids to hang out and parents to socialize than children's birthday party and they did not disappoint. We did not get home until 1am. Honestly I could not believe it! My kids rarely stay up past 10pm and on school nights are in bed by 8pm. Good thing we were all still on Pacific time from our trip and used to sleeping in really late.

Due to our "wild" night we decided against going to church this morning. We woke up around 9:30am and decided the point of Easter was to remember Christ's sacrifice and enjoy time with our family. In order for us to make it to church on time it would've been a morning of screaming at the kids and stress, not what Easter is all about. Instead we watched the kids open their Easter baskets, hunt for eggs, and hubby made us a yummy, homemade brunch. I thought it was perfect although B did pray for God to forgive us for not going to church today at our meal, silly kid!

I kept thinking we would get dressed and geocache or go for a nice walk in the great weather but we never did. The kids played outside with the neighbors. They jumped on the trampoline, played Nerf dart tag, and just ran around and got to be kids.

We finally called the kids in around 6pm and colored Easter eggs. They had a great time although FiFi's fingers may be permanently pink.


Around 6:30pm I asked hubby if he would help with dinner since I had a sinus headache and wasn't up for cooking. We gave up making dinner and ordered delivery Chinese food. Not the traditional Easter supper but honestly it was perfect.

On this day about family I truly miss my family and friends but I feel at peace with our nice, simple, no expectations life here in Maryland. If we don't want to get dressed on Easter and if we want to eat takeout Chinese food instead of cooking that is OK too. Today was a beautiful, relaxing day and honestly it was just what my soul needed after our crazy, busy vacation last week.

Happy Easter everyone!

It All Started With A Mouse

Our trip to California was great! We had a blast and made it home safely very early Thursday morning. I still haven't adjusted to eastern time but luckily I don't have to go back to work until Tuesday. I took so many great photos it was hard to cut it down to a reasonable number. I will do a separate post about the San Diego portion of our trip and of course my sister's big wedding, which was a fairytale of course!


Here are some highlights of the Disneyland part of our trip:

Mickey's the star of the show.

Our first day there the kids had to get a picture with the giant Mickey statue in front of the Disneyland hotel. We stayed off site but when we go back we will definitely stay on site. Since my sister's wedding was at the Disneyland hotel, she was upgraded to a two room suite with a view of the fireworks. It was very nice and the resort property amenities including the pool, grounds, and restaurant, in addition to the location in the middle of the action, make it worth the extra money. We did stay walking distance from the park which was great though!

Princesses can come in the form of kitty cats too.

All three kids saved for this trip and in about 15 months the three kids had managed to save $1000 of their own money. Not too shabby for 9 and 7 year olds. They helped buy the park admission tickets and had considerable spending money for souvenirs and treats. FiFi used her money not only to buy the signature Mickey ears and autograph book but to get her face painted. Too cute!

You're never too old take a picture with a mouse (be it Minnie or Mickey)

My mom went with us to Disneyland our first day in the park and she was excited to get her mouse ears and picture with Minnie Mouse.

For little girls, there is nothing better than meeting a real life princess.

We did a character breakfast two days after the wedding, the morning before the bride and groom headed off on their honeymoon. It is always such a great experience and worth the extra money. You can leisurely sit back, enjoy yummy food buffet style, and wait as characters make the rounds to your table to pose with your kids and sign autographs. This is Wyn, FiFi, and the groom's niece with Mulan.

Bears don't sign autographs, they'll eat the books!

Nothing better than a family photo with Kenai and Koda in California Adventure.

When on a Disney vacation, it is ok to have fun, smile, and put your arm around your favorite brother or sister.

Pluto was a tough guy to find. On our third day in the parks the kids finally tracked him down in Toon Town for his autograph and some photos.

And what's a trip to Disneyland without a photo in front of the mouse made of flowers at the front of the park. Every trip my sister and I took as a kid to Disneyland we have one of these photos.

Our trip really was great. Traveling with 3 kids across 3 time zones and fitting in 3 days at Disney, 2 days at the beach, visiting with family, and of course my sister's wedding and all the other wedding festivities was a bit crazy. There wasn't much time for relaxing but we had a ton of fun!

If you are planning a trip to Disneyland anytime in the future I would highly recommend The Unofficial Guide to Disneyland by Bob Sehlinger. I checked it out from my public library 3 separate times, copied the touring plans in the back, and even brought it with me. Even with the park busy with spring break travelers and a 30,000 person dance/cheer convention in town the longest lines we waited in were food lines. Most rides we waited 5-10 minutes for, the only ride we waited 15 minutes for was Gadget Go Coaster and the kids gave up Minnie and Mickey's house for that. We rode every major attraction at both parks except Nemo's Submarines at Disneyland and Toy Story Mania at California Adventure. In addition to rides we saw the Pixar Play Parade at DCA, The Aladdin Broadway play, Disneyland Fireworks, Jedi Training Academy, Pixie Hollow, and met tons of characters. The two things we did miss, the lines just never went down and we decided we had a full, fun trip and just enjoyed everything else. Seriously, the touring plans made a huge difference!
No waiting in lines!

More about San Diego and my sister's wedding soon! I missed you ladies. I'm glad to be back to blogging.