How I Almost Got Kicked Out Of My Midwife's Practice At My First Visit

There is never a dull moment at my house. Yesterday was my first official prenatal appointment at 8 1/2 weeks. We are planning a homebirth with local midwife who we interviewed a few weeks ago and loved. The first prenatal appointment is scheduled for 2 hours and I wasn't sure exactly what to expect. Our interview was a full hour and that felt long but the 2 hours flew by yesterday. There was lots of paperwork, lots of paperwork, and regular stuff like weight, peeing in a cup, measurements, history, and blood pressure. This is where we ran into trouble.

I don't have hypertension, never have but it does run in my family. In the past when I have been really sick my blood pressure tends to be high but when I am healthy is always normal. It is never low but falls around 120/80. I don't go to the doctor a lot but every time I have been in the past couple years my blood pressure has been great. In the past my blood pressure tends to run higher at the doctor than at home, nerves I guess.

So yesterday about 3/4 of the way through my 2 hour appointment the midwife's assistant takes my blood pressure and gets some astronomical reading, like 164/104. Holy crap, I don't think my blood pressure has ever been that high! So she has me lay on my right side for 10 minutes or so and retests while I am laying down. It went down but still really high, like 152/90. Yikes, people with high blood pressure can't have homebirths.

So the midwife schedules another appointment in 2 weeks instead of in a month to follow me more closely and sends me home with a blood pressure cuff to monitor my blood pressure at home. She says to take my blood pressure several times throughout the day, resting, after working out, etc. to get different readings. She also gave me a handout on other changes I need to make to lower my blood pressure. Guess what was #1? Eliminate coffee! Going from 2 cups per day to one was a big change for me but I started when we started trying to conceive so at this point I have adjusted. She said I could do decaf for a week or two but my goal is to move to no coffee at all. Wait, did you hear that? The coffee lover has to do without coffee. A sad day in my house but my baby and my health is most important so you do what you need to do. She also says to increase my running to daily since I am a runner. She said that is the single most important thing I can do to lower my blood pressure. She also suggested some diet changes and additional supplements. The whole thing caught us completely off guard.

Typically at your first visit the midwife collects a $500 deposit and sets up a payment plan. How much my insurance is going to cover is unclear, $900-$1200 at most but her fees are very reasonable and we are prepared to pay completely out of pocket if necessary. She said she is going to wait to collect our deposit until we see if my blood pressure comes down, because if it doesn't than I'll be referred to an OB right away. No more homebirth for me if this doesn't resolve itself ASAP.

The interesting part is when I came home I took my blood pressure and it was still through the roof. Hubby took his, which is never high and it was through the roof too. I took mine again about half hour later after resting and it was still very high. Since the midwife said to take my blood pressure several times throughout the day after various activities I took it before bed after I had been up and down the stairs a million times and doing laundry, etc. and amazingly enough it was 121/86. This morning when I woke up it was 119/76 and even after running around for a few hours this morning it is still 127/80. I hope it stays low and the changes I make keep it there.

The negative part of me is thinking though if this homebirth isn't meant to be and if I am going to be kicked out to an OB at some point I'd rather it be now. The insurance piece of homebirth is tricky so if it isn't going to workout I'd rather just meet my deductible with the OB.

Not sure what the rest of this pregnancy holds, I still have 7 more months to go, but wish me luck and send calming, relaxing thoughts my way.

Gender, To Find Out Or Not?

Those of you who know me well might be really surprised to hear this but we are seriously considering not finding out the gender of this baby. For someone who is very organized, a planner, and very much type A personality this is not typical "Michelle". I say we but hubby is happy either way. I think he assumed we'd find out the gender like most Americans do but when the midwife brought up the idea of waiting he seemed as intrigued as me. I have been very blessed with an easy-going husband. If he has a strong opinion on something he lets me know. If he doesn't have a strong opinion on something he is happy doing what makes me happy and finding out the gender or not finding out the gender falls into this category for him.

With my son there was no question whether I was going to find out the gender or not. Honestly the wait between 12 weeks and 20 weeks was miserable for me because I could hardly wait to find out if the baby was a boy or a girl. With my son I did things in a much more conventional matter. He was born in a hospital with a OB, I vaccinated according to schedule, and I used disposable diapers. Hubby and I are not that conventional of people and don't mind doing things that are out of the norm. With this baby we are using a midwife, planning a homebirth, going to cloth diaper, and delay vaccinations. These are all decisions we have come to over time and through much research. I think is in this case age has made me wiser and I am 12 years older than when I was last pregnant.

So, should we find out the gender or not? We would not have an ultrasound unless we request a referral. Our insurance will pay for one, 20 week ultrasound but our midwife does not routinely refer out for ultrasounds unless the parents request it. I think the idea of waiting until the birth to find out the gender is really neat. Life these days leaves very few big surprises and what greater a surprise than waiting to find out  if the baby is a boy or girl until they are born.

Since I am a planner my concerns are mainly logistical ones: what about the nursery? what about baby gear, baby gifts, and baby shower? The room we are going to use for the nursery is currently my youngest daughter's room. We will be finishing our basement and building a room for my oldest and moving Phoenix into Brennan's current room. The future nursery is a small room with great built in shelving and white wainscoting that makes it super cute but the walls are purple. The room was painted purple before we moved in but purple isn't my favorite color. If we knew we were having a boy we would probably paint the room a medium blue color. If we knew we were having a girl we'd probably leave the room purple even though it isn't my favorite color. I know we could wait until the baby is born to decorate but with 4 kids I know I am going to have little time on my hands so I'd rather have most things done in advance. My best solution if we don't find out the gender is to paint the room a neutral beige color like the rest of our house and add color through bedding and wall accents after baby is born. I am not that excited about a yellow and green room or gender neutral stuff in general so we wouldn't go that route either.

My other concern is how to handle baby gear, baby gifts, and a baby shower. This is our last baby so I don't need gender neutral stuff and personally I don't like a lot of gender neutral patterns. I especially don't like gender neutral clothes though some basic newborn stuff doesn't bother me. It wouldn't affect the crib or rocker we'd register for because they are gender neutral. From baby showers I have been to lately it seems like a lot of people buy baby clothes and blankets despite what you register for. I get it, people can't resist the adorable baby clothes. A traditional women's only baby shower with games would be fun but I wouldn't want to get all green and yellow clothes. I think if we do decide to wait to find out the gender we may do a shower after the baby is born and maybe even do a "meet the baby" men/women party at our house to just welcome and celebrate the new baby.

I'd love to hear from you. If you waited to find out the gender how did you handle decorating the nursery and the baby shower? Thanks in advance for your input.

Are You Ready For Some Football?

Last Sunday in celebration of my hubby's birthday we went to a Denver Broncos game. Hubby hadn't been to a game since he was a kid and I had never been to an NFL game. Hubby's grandpa has been a long time season ticket holder and has been selling his season tickets to Nate's cousins for several years so getting my hands on some tickets was easy. The Broncos played the Cincinnati Bengals and it was a nail bitter. The Broncos came out strong and then struggled in the 3rd and 4th quarters. The did pull off a 24-22 win.

The experience was so much fun! The seats were amazing! We were 17 rows back from the end zone and could see great. The whole atmosphere was pumped full of energy. Hubby had some much fun he can't wait to go back. He started talking about trying to buy the season tickets next year. I had to remind him that would be $1200 and that maybe we could go to a game or two a year. I guess he just got wrapped up in the fun and excitement. 

The weather was beautiful, low 80's and sunshine. I just had my cheap point and shoot camera but I was able to capture some great shots of our fun.

The newly named Sports Authority Field at Mile High aka Mile High Stadium

View from our seats, AMAZING!

National Anthem

Time for some action

Here we go Broncos, here we go!

Half time was a ceremony honoring Shannon Sharpe's induction into the Football Hall of Fame.

Shannon Sharpe in his glory days with the Broncos

A win for the Broncos!

The South Stands had some impressive pyrotechnics and fireworks

Nate

Me

Pregnancy: 7 Weeks

Did you miss my big announcement last week? I'm pregnant!

I can't even begin to explain the joy I am feeling right now. Having another baby is something my heart has been longing for over many years. Hubby and I have been married 3 1/2 years but the timing never seemed right and I knew I didn't want to force the issue. I knew I wanted to wait until we were at a point financially where I could stay home with the baby full-time at least the first 6 months and mostly stay home (watch one other child) until the baby was in preschool, maybe longer. We still have some financial goals to meet (mainly paying off student loan debt) but we've made great progress these past two years paying off both our cars and all our credit card debt. We also bought our first house where we plan to live forever. Hubby has a great job and now we live closer to family. I figured it would be next spring before we started trying for a baby but after some long talks during our family vacation at Yellowstone hubby said, "why are we waiting? If we're going to have a baby let's do it." So we started trying in August and BAM! after one month of trying, a positive pregnancy test. I was beyond overjoyed but admittedly a bit shocked because I was convinced it would take at least 6 months or more. Everyone else I know has had to try for months to get pregnant, some people even years, or even had to resort to fertility treatment. We are definitely feeling blessed right now.

Now for the details:

Due date: May 4th Our midwife says the due date is only an estimate since full-term babies can come between 37-42 weeks. The range she gave for us is April 13th-May17th.

How far along: 7 weeks

Weight gain: 1 pound so far. My goal is 25 pounds this pregnancy but we will see.

Maternity clothes: Not yet though my size 4 pants are all too tight. I have a few size 6 pants that fit ok but they aren't my favorite pants to start with. I've used the belly band with the size 4 pants once and that was ok. Maternity pants are too baggy through the butt and hips. All my shirts are fine. I think a lot of shirts will last partway through my pregnancy. I am definitely entering that awkward phase were none of the pre-pregnancy pants fit and all the maternity pants are too big.

Baby bump: See for yourself in the photos below but I definitely have a little baby bump. This is my 2nd pregnancy and with my son I wasn't showing this much until 20-22 weeks. Everyone told me with your 2nd you show much sooner but I wasn't sure. I fully expect by 9-10 weeks to be obviously pregnant.

Gender: We aren't sure if we'll find out the gender though my Type A personality will most likely win out and we'll try at a 20 weeks ultrasound we request. I have had an intuition from the beginning that the baby is a boy, I guess we'll find out.

Heartbeat: Not yet

Movement: Not yet

Symptoms: Overall I feel great! My pregnancy with Brennan was really easy so I am hoping for the same. Symptoms so far are: tender breasts, hungry more often (I have to eat something every 2-3 hours or I don't feel well), pregnancy bloat and beginning of baby belly. I am still sleeping ok though I am tired by 8 or 8:30pm. I have found if I go to bed by 9pm I can still wake up at 6am and not be tired most of the day. I have had three evenings where I have had an hour or two of mild nausea but it always passed quickly and I have never felt like I was going to throw up. One night as I was laying down to sleep I was pretty nauseous and couldn't decide if I needed to eat something or if I should just fall asleep. I feel asleep and woke up feeling great.

Exercise: I am pretty active so I want to keep that up. My goal is to run 3 miles, 3 times per week throughout my pregnancy. In addition I want to keep up long bike rides with the kids and going for hikes and walks. Carving out the time can be hard but I need to make it a priority. Nate also got me the Your Shape for the XBox Kinect so I will do some yoga and workouts on that. I know the importance of exercise in pregnancy so I hope I can keep it up throughout the winter months.

Here's the link to the Baby Center: Your Pregnancy: 7 Weeks Some of the highlights are: hands and feet are emerging from growing arms and legs, about the size of a blueberry, having doubled in size since last week,  heart is already beating, brain is growing, liver is working, and umbilical cord is beginning to function.

Our positive pregnancy test: August 26th

The 4 week baby bump (nothing there)

The 7 week baby bump (getting bigger)

Keep a watch out on my blog for more pregnancy and baby related posts: Why We Chose A Midwife?, Homebirth, To Find Out The Gender or Not?, Ultrasound or Not?, Cloth Diapers, To Circumcise or Not?, Delayed Vaccine Schedule, How To Choose A Pediatrician?, The Nursery, Co-Sleeping or Not?, Breastfeeding, The Real 411, Medical Conditions In Pregnancy, Fertility Awareness, and much, much more! I am looking forward to documenting my pregnancy on my blog and connecting with other pregnant women. Don't worry if you aren't interested in pregnancy and baby stuff, I'll blog about my regular stuff too.

Promotion

I got a promotion this week. After my disappointment about not getting the job I thought I had and the fact my substitute teaching license may not be approved before my orientation later this month, hubby and I talked about things and he gave me a promotion. I have been promoted to full-time stay-at-home mom.

My job duties include not only childcare, getting kids ready and out the door for school each day, homework help, driving back and forth to all their activities, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, laundry, dishes, my job also now includes keeping us on a strict budget and saving us money.

I haven't been working since mid-June but having the burden of looking for a job off my shoulders is huge. It takes a lot of emotional energy to be constantly searching for a job. Not that I won't take any part-time work I can find until the baby is born but it is just the weight has been lifted. I am still pursuing substitute teaching though I just have to wait and see if my license will ever get approved. I also think I found a few hours per week childcare job at a local church, similar to what I've done in the past. Also since we made this decision Tuesday, three leads on occasional child care/nanny work have came up. If they pan out great, I'll work, enjoy it, and take the extra money. If they don't work out that is ok too.

Being a full-time stay-at-home mom has been on my heart for awhile though before paying off both our cars and all our credit card debt it was never really an option for me. Being a stay-at-home mom is completely different than the career driven me of years past when I had aspirations of law school and being a full-time career woman. Things change though and the demands of raising three children and managing a household are a lot. Add a newborn to the mix and you definitely have your hands full. I can't even imagine trying to balance a full-time career, 4 children, including a newborn, and keeping my household running. Not that it can't be done, lots of women do it and do it well, I just know it is not for me. I strongly feel that these years with my kids are years I cannot get back. That being available to them and making them my number one priority is important to me. I can have a career later but for now being a mom is more than enough for me and a job I do with pride.

Things won't look very different at my house at first but I am taking this job seriously, especially the part about sticking to a strict budget and saving us money. This has been somewhat of a gradual change for our family from full-time career outside the home to watching children inside our home, to nannying, to now being a full-time mom. I know I am a better and more patient mom when I can devote the time and attention to my kids they need instead of worrying about calling in sick to work or missing their school play because work has an important meeting. It is easy to say as a career woman that your family is your number one priority but I made sacrifices, missing countless activities of my kids that I simply cannot get back. It is also an amazing feeling that if your children are sick they can simply stay home, no guilt or pressure for calling in sick to work. I am not saying what I am doing is right or wrong but it is right for my family at this time and that is what is important.

Dealing With Disappointment

I don't want to put a damper on our exciting news from yesterday but this is real life and everything isn't rainbows and unicorns.

How do you deal with disappointment? I'll be honest with you, today I am having a hard time in this area. Maybe it's because I am overly emotional because I'm pregnant, maybe not. Job hunting is an emotionally draining task regardless.

I worked full-time in Maryland as a nanny for twin girls. I loved my job, made decent money and got to follow my kids school schedule. It really was the perfect job. I started looking for a new job here back in June and had a very promising lead which turned into an offer that I ultimately turned down in August for various reasons. I submitted my application, background check, and fingerprints to become a substitute teacher in late July since the job lead was only 3 days per week. After it became evident the original job was not going to pan out I started looking for other jobs, mostly nanny jobs but a variety of jobs with flexible schedules so I could take care of my kids when they weren't in school.

Applying for nanny jobs is interesting, like any job, you apply for many more jobs than you hear back from regardless of the amount of experience/qualifications you may have. For awhile I was hearing back from people who wanted to pay next to nothing so I started including my rates with my application. I am not the nanny with the lowest rates but I feel like you get what you pay for and my rates are extremely reasonable for someone with my experience.

I had another interview a few weeks ago with a family who wanted care in my home for their infant. The pay for care in my home is not nearly as well as nanny pay but the flexibility it offers is usually worth the reduction in pay. Plus, in the future I could add another child if I needed additional income. Interview went well, the parents said they would be making a decision in less than a week. I followed up, they responded enthusiastically that they were very interested just trying to finalize plans. We played phone tag for several days when the mom finally emailed me some additional questions which I answered the next morning. I was under the impression I was the only person they had interviewed that they felt comfortable caring for their son. In the middle of this process I found out we were expecting. Despite it being early and really being under no obligation to tell them I was pregnant, I felt like honesty is the best policy so I told them I was expecting but still excited to watch their baby and would want to continue after a short maternity leave. This is where things get sticky. They don't have family or close friends in the area that could provide temporary care so my maternity leave would be a big issue for them in the spring. Also they were concerned about transitioning their son between different care providers. Both very valid concerns. Ultimately they ended up telling me they loved me but didn't hire me because I am pregnant.

This is what is leaving me feeling very disappointed. I was looking forward to getting to know this cute baby boy more. I was looking forward to the additional income. I was looking forward to being done with the job search process.

To add insult to injury I checked my substitute application and the state is still processing applications submitted 5 weeks before mine and my substitute orientation is in two weeks. This makes me think substitute teaching isn't going to work out either. Making me feel extra disappointed.

There are pros and cons to everything and I know everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe God has a plan for my life and there is a reason we conceived after our first month of trying, and there is a reason these jobs haven't worked out. The pros are that despite being willing to return to work after one month I prefer to stay home exclusively with my new baby for at least the first 6 months. Substitute teaching seems flexible enough job but somewhat stressful going into a new class every day and pays less than nannying.

We are not desperate for money, I guess just used to having some extra money. I was encouraged by all the progress we made towards our financial goals last year and I don't want to start back tracking. We still have a lot of student loans to pay off and beefing up our emergency fund, paying cash for a minivan, and finishing our basement are top priorities this year with a new baby coming.

I guess I am also worried about disappointing my husband. I know taking care of three kids and managing our household: cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping, driving kids to and from activities, homework, really is a full-time job but I still want to do more. He is extremely supportive and keeps telling me the right thing will come along. I've taken jobs in the past before that weren't the right fit because I was desperate and it never turned out well.

Tonight is a ladies only book group in town a friend invited me to join. Hopefully some kid-free time tonight, and a good night sleep will help with my attitude and perspective. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and be able to realize things have happened as they were meant to. Until then though I am feeling pretty disappointed.

Big Announcement!

Piano Lessons As An Adult

This last week I did something I have wanted to do for a long time. I started taking piano lessons. I have wanted to learn to play the piano since I was a teenager and even taught myself to play some songs on a friend's piano but I would love to learn how to play well.

I do realize as a busy mom of three I may never be able to devote the time and money to become a good piano player but I am excited to learn more. Before my first lesson I was a little nervous. I was supposed to have looked through my book and have practiced learning the notes but I had barely cracked open the book.

We were given a piano by Nate's grandmother so we are lucky enough to have a piano in the front room of our house. Since we just received the piano I asked the kids if they all wanted to take a month of lessons to see if they are interested or not. I was able to find a piano teacher on Craigslist that is relatively affordable and we alternate weeks between the 4 of us, 2 of us having a half hour lesson each week.

I played the clarinet for 5 years as a teenager and was fairly decent. I even played the bassoon for a year so I have experience in both treble and bass clef. It is sad for me to admit this but I remember very little from those years of note reading and music theory. I guess it really is "use or lose it" because I feel like most of it has been lost or at least shoved to the very back of my memory banks.

My first lesson went fairly well. I wasn't great but I moved at a much quicker pace than my kids so that is a good start. I made a lot of mistakes but hopefully will improve each week. The piano is a tricky instrument because there is a lot of stuff going on all at once. My assignment this week is to perfect three songs in my book, learn the bass and treble clef notes on the staff, and practice 15 minutes everyday. My teacher is a young college student who said, "I know you are a busy mom but if you can't find 15 minutes for yourself each day that is pretty sad". Isn't it true! I can find 15 minutes to practice each day, it is simply a matter of priorities.

I don't expect to become the next accomplished pianist but I am looking forward to learning something new and doing something for myself. I'll keep you updated on how it is going!