I don't want to put a damper on our exciting news from yesterday but this is real life and everything isn't rainbows and unicorns.
How do you deal with disappointment? I'll be honest with you, today I am having a hard time in this area. Maybe it's because I am overly emotional because I'm pregnant, maybe not. Job hunting is an emotionally draining task regardless.
I worked full-time in Maryland as a nanny for twin girls. I loved my job, made decent money and got to follow my kids school schedule. It really was the perfect job. I started looking for a new job here back in June and had a very promising lead which turned into an offer that I ultimately turned down in August for various reasons. I submitted my application, background check, and fingerprints to become a substitute teacher in late July since the job lead was only 3 days per week. After it became evident the original job was not going to pan out I started looking for other jobs, mostly nanny jobs but a variety of jobs with flexible schedules so I could take care of my kids when they weren't in school.
Applying for nanny jobs is interesting, like any job, you apply for many more jobs than you hear back from regardless of the amount of experience/qualifications you may have. For awhile I was hearing back from people who wanted to pay next to nothing so I started including my rates with my application. I am not the nanny with the lowest rates but I feel like you get what you pay for and my rates are extremely reasonable for someone with my experience.
I had another interview a few weeks ago with a family who wanted care in my home for their infant. The pay for care in my home is not nearly as well as nanny pay but the flexibility it offers is usually worth the reduction in pay. Plus, in the future I could add another child if I needed additional income. Interview went well, the parents said they would be making a decision in less than a week. I followed up, they responded enthusiastically that they were very interested just trying to finalize plans. We played phone tag for several days when the mom finally emailed me some additional questions which I answered the next morning. I was under the impression I was the only person they had interviewed that they felt comfortable caring for their son. In the middle of this process I found out we were expecting. Despite it being early and really being under no obligation to tell them I was pregnant, I felt like honesty is the best policy so I told them I was expecting but still excited to watch their baby and would want to continue after a short maternity leave. This is where things get sticky. They don't have family or close friends in the area that could provide temporary care so my maternity leave would be a big issue for them in the spring. Also they were concerned about transitioning their son between different care providers. Both very valid concerns. Ultimately they ended up telling me they loved me but didn't hire me because I am pregnant.
This is what is leaving me feeling very disappointed. I was looking forward to getting to know this cute baby boy more. I was looking forward to the additional income. I was looking forward to being done with the job search process.
To add insult to injury I checked my substitute application and the state is still processing applications submitted 5 weeks before mine and my substitute orientation is in two weeks. This makes me think substitute teaching isn't going to work out either. Making me feel extra disappointed.
There are pros and cons to everything and I know everything happens for a reason. I strongly believe God has a plan for my life and there is a reason we conceived after our first month of trying, and there is a reason these jobs haven't worked out. The pros are that despite being willing to return to work after one month I prefer to stay home exclusively with my new baby for at least the first 6 months. Substitute teaching seems flexible enough job but somewhat stressful going into a new class every day and pays less than nannying.
We are not desperate for money, I guess just used to having some extra money. I was encouraged by all the progress we made towards our financial goals last year and I don't want to start back tracking. We still have a lot of student loans to pay off and beefing up our emergency fund, paying cash for a minivan, and finishing our basement are top priorities this year with a new baby coming.
I guess I am also worried about disappointing my husband. I know taking care of three kids and managing our household: cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping, driving kids to and from activities, homework, really is a full-time job but I still want to do more. He is extremely supportive and keeps telling me the right thing will come along. I've taken jobs in the past before that weren't the right fit because I was desperate and it never turned out well.
Tonight is a ladies only book group in town a friend invited me to join. Hopefully some kid-free time tonight, and a good night sleep will help with my attitude and perspective. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up and be able to realize things have happened as they were meant to. Until then though I am feeling pretty disappointed.