Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Baby Brain

I have babies on my brain. Is there a cure for this condition besides getting pregnant? I watch A Baby Story on TLC, I talk about babies, baby names, and pregnancy non-stop with my husband. He must think I am going crazy except for the fact that he talks about Jeeps non-stop so I guess it is just payback.

Really, what is my problem? I have three kids but have only been pregnant once. I was very young when I was pregnant with B and it was unplanned to say the least. I ended up marrying his dad and later divorcing him but I can say without a doubt if I was not pregnant I would never had married him yet alone stayed with him through all his crap. Once I got over the shock of being pregnant I was good. I was very excited to meet the little baby growing inside me and excited to be a mommy. I landed a good job at a bank while I was pregnant and while it wasn't always easy I graduated from college while working full-time and being a single mom.

I guess I want to experience pregnancy in planned, happy setting with my husband. I have this deep-seated desire to have a baby with hubby and "complete" our family. To me it feels like a little person is missing from our family and I don't want to think that I only got be pregnant and raise a baby once (Wyn and FiFi were 5 and 3 when I met them). Hubby thinks we have our hands full with our three kids and if I changed my mind and said, "I don't want another baby" he would happily agree. He was somewhat resistant at first to having another child but has slowly come around. Before we were married I explained to him how important it was to me. Somewhat of a deal breaker and he began to see things from my point of view even if he didn't feel the same way.

Now here is to the part where I am really crazy. We aren't having another kid for a good 3-4 years so why can't I stop obsessing about it? We are just getting settled. Hubby has a decent paying job and I start my nanny job in September. We are way over our heads in credit card debt, car loans, and student loans, it is going to take us 4 years to dig ourselves out, if we are really disciplined, maybe longer. I should be able to let it go until our time has come but I can't. I know other people are dealing with this or have dealt with this so let the comment love flow.


Brittany Ann said...

I don't know of a solution myself, as you saw on Monday, other than to have a baby. Even if it doesn't seem the right time, I just don't when it will be the right time, ya know? That feeling is so, so hard for me! It's not very fun. at all.

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Well I think you are crazy, but not because you want a baby, mostly just because I know you.

But really on a seriously, isn't it totally human to focus on what you really want even if you know it won't be happening soon? I know that I do that.

Gina said...

It's just now the right time for us and I've been obsessing since Logan was born 2 and 1/2 years ago!

Jen said...

I know this feeling well. I want to have another baby for the same reasons. I want to have a 'normal' uncomplicated pregnancy.

I never will have this but I hope that someday you get to.

Erin Bassett said...

I'm in the same boat! We're having infertility set backs so it's taking a REALLY long time to grow our family...but I'm dying to either get PG or adopt! It's SO hard to wait!!

Good luck to you & your family!

Dee said...

hubby tells me we're done and I think this makes me obsess even more. I REALLY want another one. Even though I JUST had a baby 3 weeks ago...I think about having another a lot!

Unknown said...

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting another baby. I think you know when you are done having kids, and I am at that point. If your not, then more power to you. But if you wait too long, then there are more health risks to you and the baby, so timing is everything. No one is ever ready to have a baby, we never planned on number three, but we are happy to include him in our family.