Tuesday evening I sent my oldest child B to Colorado with his grandma for two weeks. It hurts my heart to have him away from me but I realize as children get older you have to learn to be able to do these sort of things, to give them some freedom, to allow them to learn, allow them to experience their world.
As a mom you carry this child inside you for 9 months, nurture them, help them grow, and the minute you lay eyes upon them and they are placed in your arms, you love them more than you ever thought possible. It is amazing thing, the bond between mother and child.
In the car on the way to the airport B got a bloody nose, this happens to him often so we sat in the car in the parking garage waiting for it to stop, after 15 minutes and no sign of it stopping I began to get worried. Finally after almost 30 minutes I got his nose to stop bleeding and we could finally check his bag and get him through security.
While sitting in the car a host of emotions flew through my mind, what if I can't get it to stop, what do I do, certainly security will not approve of him walking through with bodily fluids freely flowing, maybe this is a sign, maybe he isn't supposed to get on that plane. I brushed it off and continued on to meet his grandma at the gate.
We made it through security with little incident except one of the TSA agents telling me I look too young to be B's mom (my favorite comment from strangers). We made it to the gate to wait for his grandma. After she arrived I made sure I got extra hugs and kisses from him since I wouldn't see him again for two weeks. This is when the feeling in the pit of my stomach began to sink in.
It is such a crazy feeling, to have your emotions take over, to have something feel so wrong when logically you know it is perfectly fine. B was in the care of his grandma who loves him dearly and I would see him again in two weeks. It should be no big deal but it really took all I had to not cry. Looking back I probably should've let myself cry once I got to my car just to get it all out.
As parents we have to go through this stuff whether it kills us emotionally or not. Like it or not my B is growing up. Now he is traveling away from me for 2 weeks, next year he'll most likely fly unaccompanied, in high school he'll be more independent than I can imagine, and then he'll be gone, I'll be dropping him off at college to start a life of his own.
Man, being a parent is hard! I wish I could just keep them little forever. You know that stage where they are little and cute and still need their moms? Honestly, I miss that! I know this is life and it is inevitable that they grow up but it is so hard for this mama to be away from her boy.