Responsibility/Chore Wars

Our family is in the middle of a war, a war over the kids responsibility/chore chart. As our kids have gotten older they have slowly taken on more and more responsibility for getting themselves ready and doing simple, daily chores. The way our system works is once they are ready for the morning/night they then have free time to watch TV, play video games, go on the computer, etc. This should be motivation to get ready quickly, right? The quicker you get ready the more electronic time you have. In order to motivate them to do their chores they are paid 50 cents daily allowance. If their chores don't get done they are not paid for that day. Wynter and Brennan split the dishes and Phoenix takes out the trash and recycling.

I made the chore chart  about a year and half ago. Originally it really helped keep the kids on track and minimized the chaos of bedtime and morning getting ready time. In addition to rewarding the kids for good behavior with money for completing their chores and electronic time for getting ready early there are also consequences for not completing chores or getting ready on time. This has recently become a big struggle and honestly I'm getting tired of it.

One thing I know as a parent I need to work on is disciplining without getting overly emotional. When you feel like you are constantly being ignored by your children it gets frustrating. I know I need to remind myself that my kids are generally well behaved and responsible but at almost 12, 11, and 9 they are old enough to get themselves ready in the morning and evening and complete simple chores. The chore chart is very easy to use and helps the kids remember each thing that needs done. The stars are put up on the chart and they take down the stars one by one as they complete each item. There really is no reason if I give them enough time that anything should be forgotten.

The past few months have been a constant back and forth struggle in this area. They don't get paid for their chores that aren't done or they get their privileges taken away then the next day we're back to square one. They tell me everything is done, I let them watch TV or play electronics, it's time for bed and half their list hasn't been done. There are clothes and towels strewn about in the bathroom, their rooms look like bombs have gone off, usually they've showered and put pajamas on, about 75% of the time their lunch has been packed, the other 25% of time it has been "forgotten", Wynter and Brennan manage to do their chores about 90% of the time, Phoenix I'm lucky if she's even made an attempt 20% of the time and even then she has usually checked 1 or 2 trashes and left the overflowing one and never takes the barrels to the street unless I specifically tell her. I am out of ideas on how to motivate/discipline them in this regard and would love an feedback or suggestions. For awhile money was their biggest motivator, followed by electronic privileges but none of that seems to matter at this point. The two things I am going to do are once again go over consequences, instill them consistently and unemotionally, and I am going to go back to checking everything on their list before granting electronic time. I think for the next week until we can get into a better routine we will just eliminate before school and before bed electronic time and allow their free time to be playing, reading, or board games. I know once we have an infant in the house (any day now) I am going to have even less time to oversee every task they do but until they show me they can once again be responsible for their daily activities I am going to have to pull in the reigns a bit.


 

Over It

I'm one day shy of 33 weeks today and starting Monday it happened, I'm over being pregnant. I don't want that to sound totally negative but all week I've been feeling hugely pregnant, exhausted, and uncomfortable. I think everyone hits this point at sometime in the 3rd trimester but I was a little surprised that it happened so soon for me.

When I was pregnant with Brennan I worked up until I went into labor and until 39 weeks I was on my feet for 9 hours per day. Honestly looking back I'm not quite sure how I made it. I didn't get terribly uncomfortable until 38 weeks. The last two weeks were quite miserable but I know it happens much earlier for most pregnant women so I tried not to complain too much. I was very thankful that I went into labor with Brennan on my due date and he was born the next morning. Due dates aren't expiration dates but after 9 months of anticipation and having your body completely taken over I think the mental aspect of going past your due date can get tough.

Babies are considered full-term from 37-42 weeks so I have between 4-9 weeks left. The planning part of me says if the baby comes in 4 weeks there is no way we'll be ready. We're still working on Brennan's room in the basement. It is coming along, the drywall and texture are done, electrical is all done and the lights are installed and working. Today I am going to buy paint and start priming, and carpet will be installed next Wednesday. If everything goes well the basement room could be done in a week and half. After the room is done we still have to move Brennan into that room, move Phoenix into Brennan's room, and then we can start on painting and putting together the baby's room. So far we have a cherry wood with ivory cushion rocker and no other furniture. The crib we had registered for is suddenly no longer available anywhere. This sent me into a bit of a panic Monday. After looking at all the cribs at Babies R Us I found one I loved in our price range. Babies R Us is in the middle of their 20% off crib sale and when I looked online yesterday it was no longer in stock. It also is a dark cherry finish which is closer to Espresso so I am not sure it will match the rocker. The baby's room is tiny so I am not sure even a small dresser will fit in there so I am unsure what to do about that. Good thing the baby will be in our room at first because they very well make their appearance before their room is completely put together.

So, been there, done that moms, how do I stay sane this next month or two? My iron levels were a bit low at my latest CBC so I'm working on increasing my iron levels which I know won't hurt my energy levels. I'm also going to go back to my early pregnancy (vitamin rich) diet. At my 28 week appointment the midwife mentioned I should slow down my weight gain so I stopped trying to squeeze in everything and did lose a pound the first week but I think it has affected how I feel. I don't want to gain a ton of weight but if it is healthy calories and it makes me feel better I'll take the extra weight. I've tried a lot of different things to get some better rest which I know would help me feel better and maintain a more positive outlook but sleep is still elusive for me. I use my Hypnobabies techniques which help but I still don't sleep well. This last week I've been so exhausted and not felt so uncomfortable by early afternoon that I take about an hour each afternoon to practice my Hypnobabies scripts and take some time in bed to rest and recharge which helps some. The time slot of prenatal water aerobics I was taking was canceled and the only other time is very inconvenient so I can only commit to going once per week. This is kind of a bummer. I wish I could go more because being in the water feels good and being active for an hour straight is always good. The weather has been nice so I need to make going on walks a priority. I get frustrated that after only a 2.5-3 mile walk I'm exhausted even on days when I'm otherwise feeling ok. I guess I need to remind myself that even a mile or two walk is better than nothing, especially if I do it every day or almost everyday. Not sure what else to try.

I can't wait to meet our precious baby. I know they are going to be just perfect and the last piece of the puzzle to complete our family. I am so thankful that God has blessed us with another child and I feel grateful to be able to carry this baby. Both my pregnancies have been fairly easy with no real morning sickness, which I know a lot of women struggle with. Besides the insomnia, 1st trimester high blood pressure, moderate protein levels at 26 weeks (which seemed to have resolved itself), and gaining more weight than I'd like, this pregnancy has been pretty easy as well. The baby has been growing well, always has a nice, strong heartbeat, and looked perfect at our 20 week ultrasound. I know I'm truly blessed and hopefully I can find some ways to make the next month or two more comfortable and try to enjoy my last time being pregnant. Either way I know it is worth it in the end.

Sleep, Oh Sweet Sleep

I'm writing this at 3:30am not because I was up late after a wild night of partying. I'm writing this at 3:30am because during this entire pregnancy sleep has been a bit elusive for me. I hate to complain because I've had a pretty great pregnancy and no morning sickness. I'll be honest though, the insomnia is rough.

The hardest part for me is I am truly a sleep lover! I am one of those people who functions best at 9-9.5 hours of sleep. If you aren't one of those people who needs a lot of sleep you probably think that is crazy but those who are sleep lovers know what I'm talking about. Of course I can function on 5-6 hours of sleep but it isn't pretty. I walk around in a bit of a haze most of the day, only to collapse at the end of the day craving the sleep I missed.

The pregnancy insomnia started around 8 weeks pregnant. With both my pregnancies first trimester brought the fun, "I have to pee all the freaking time" symptom. I assume this is hormonally related and it is different from the third trimester, "I feel like I have to pee all the freaking time but really it is just the baby's head smashing my bladder" symptom. Totally different but equally annoying. So early in my pregnancy I was waking to pee 3-4 times per night. A bit annoying but I lived with it. I am a bit of a water-o-holic which doesn't help but as long as I can fall asleep within 10-15 minutes at bedtime and can fall back asleep within 5 minutes of getting up to pee it really doesn't bother me. I can almost get a restful night sleep getting up 3-4 times if I can fall back asleep immediately. Of course the nights I only get up 1-2 times are much better.

The insomnia part that makes me even more crazy is the waking up and being unable to fall back asleep. I've seen 1am-3am more times this pregnancy than even when I was 21 years old. I wake up, go pee, lay back down, and lay there wide awake unable sleep, thinking, "again?!" "why me?". Eventually after 30 minutes or so of tossing and turning and listening to my stomach grumble I go try a snack. My midwives suggested something with protein so usually I just grab a cheese stick and head back to bed.

I first realized maybe hunger was waking me up around 12 weeks pregnant. After weeks of horrible insomnia I put two and and two together and tried to ward off the problem by having a healthy snack right before bed. It seemed to make sense since I have been super hungry this entire pregnancy. At first it did work some. Adding a snack before bed cut back the long, middle of the night awake periods to 2-3 times per week which seemed more manageable albeit annoying.

I tried asking women in my baby group from Baby Center that are due around the same time as me for suggestions. I even asked my midwife for suggestions. I did receive some good ones, though not all worked for me. Some were: cut back on evening water intake, stick with a relaxing bedtime routine/allow unwinding time, exercise but not in the evening, and try a over the counter remedy such as Unisom. While the midwife said Unisom was safe after the 1st trimester I still don't want to try it. Hubby thought it was a bad idea and having to take medicine to make me fall asleep seems like a bad idea.

Since starting my Hypnobabies child birth preparation in mid-January the self hypnosis and relaxation techniques have also helped me sleep better and have less nights with long awake periods. It just seem to alternate between a very restful night of sleep followed by an extremely crappy one. I was beginning to think going to bed earlier helped but last night I was in bed early and still have been awake for about 2 hours.

I am definitely taking this in strides. It is all worth it in the end and in about 2 months (hopefully a little less) I'll be meeting my precious new baby. I wonder if pregnancy insomnia is God's way of preparing the mom-to-be for all the middle of the night feedings and lack of sleep that the newborn phase entails?

Confessions of the Formerly Habitually Late

My name is Michelle and I have a problem. No, I'm not a alcoholic, I'm habitually late. I've always been late for as long as I can remember. This problem bothered me some, mostly I was bothered by the consequences of being late to important events. Mainly I accepted it as a personality flaw and went about my life. You can't change who you are, right?

Last year in writing my goals, I set a personal goal to be more on time during 2011. And guess what some amazing things happened. Not only have I made some great improvements in this area. I now often show up early to meetings or events. There is nothing that makes a person who has been habitually late more happy than to be the first person to show up to a meeting or event. In the past 6 months I've often been the first one to show up to meetings with friends or events. Just this week hubby and I were the first ones to show up to the hospital tour and even beat the instructor there. Once it was 3-4 minutes before and none of the other 6 couples or instructor were there I even began to wonder if we were in the right place. Waiting for other people who are late doesn't bother me in fact it makes me happy to be the first one there. Each time is a tiny triumph for this formerly habitually late person.

So what have I been doing differently? There still aren't enough hours in the day. I still want to try to finish one last thing before I leave. I still underestimate how long it takes me to finish that one last thing. I also still underestimate how long it takes me to get places. The biggest thing I've changed in the past year is building in a time "buffer". If I think it will take me 15 minutes to get somewhere I plan to leave 30 minutes before. This way if I leave 5 minutes late and hit 5 minutes of traffic, I'll still be a few minutes early. If I think it will take me an hour to get ready for something I give myself an hour and half. It has been working great for me. Every time I have somewhere to be I add some extra time onto my leaving time and have been really successful at not being late. Sometimes I'm right on time or a few minutes early, sometimes I'm 10 minutes or more early, and sometimes I'm still late but the improvement for me personally has been amazing.

Giving myself more time to get places and get ready has really lowered my stress level. Since I was habitually late I didn't stress about it too much since it was my way of life. Now that I am on time or early 8/10 times I realize how much less stressful being early or on time is. Hubby generally runs on time so I think being more on time has made him happier too.

You too can recover from your habitual lateness. It just takes some extra planning and thought on your part and a desire to make being on time a priority. I'm not perfect but I love the improvements I've made and continue to delight on each on time or early arrival I make. Next time we meet for coffee, don't worry I'll be there 5 minutes early and silently delighting in my little triumph.

Promotion

I got a promotion this week. After my disappointment about not getting the job I thought I had and the fact my substitute teaching license may not be approved before my orientation later this month, hubby and I talked about things and he gave me a promotion. I have been promoted to full-time stay-at-home mom.

My job duties include not only childcare, getting kids ready and out the door for school each day, homework help, driving back and forth to all their activities, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, meal planning, laundry, dishes, my job also now includes keeping us on a strict budget and saving us money.

I haven't been working since mid-June but having the burden of looking for a job off my shoulders is huge. It takes a lot of emotional energy to be constantly searching for a job. Not that I won't take any part-time work I can find until the baby is born but it is just the weight has been lifted. I am still pursuing substitute teaching though I just have to wait and see if my license will ever get approved. I also think I found a few hours per week childcare job at a local church, similar to what I've done in the past. Also since we made this decision Tuesday, three leads on occasional child care/nanny work have came up. If they pan out great, I'll work, enjoy it, and take the extra money. If they don't work out that is ok too.

Being a full-time stay-at-home mom has been on my heart for awhile though before paying off both our cars and all our credit card debt it was never really an option for me. Being a stay-at-home mom is completely different than the career driven me of years past when I had aspirations of law school and being a full-time career woman. Things change though and the demands of raising three children and managing a household are a lot. Add a newborn to the mix and you definitely have your hands full. I can't even imagine trying to balance a full-time career, 4 children, including a newborn, and keeping my household running. Not that it can't be done, lots of women do it and do it well, I just know it is not for me. I strongly feel that these years with my kids are years I cannot get back. That being available to them and making them my number one priority is important to me. I can have a career later but for now being a mom is more than enough for me and a job I do with pride.

Things won't look very different at my house at first but I am taking this job seriously, especially the part about sticking to a strict budget and saving us money. This has been somewhat of a gradual change for our family from full-time career outside the home to watching children inside our home, to nannying, to now being a full-time mom. I know I am a better and more patient mom when I can devote the time and attention to my kids they need instead of worrying about calling in sick to work or missing their school play because work has an important meeting. It is easy to say as a career woman that your family is your number one priority but I made sacrifices, missing countless activities of my kids that I simply cannot get back. It is also an amazing feeling that if your children are sick they can simply stay home, no guilt or pressure for calling in sick to work. I am not saying what I am doing is right or wrong but it is right for my family at this time and that is what is important.

Saying Goodbye

How do you say goodbye to a loved one when you know this will be the last time you see them on this earth?

How do you prepare your children for the death of a beloved family member?

Dying is inevitable, none of us will live forever, but it doesn't make it easier.

Last Monday, on December 20, 2010 we lost my husband's grandma JoAnn. It was a tough blow to take. My husband was close with her, my kids were close with her, I adored her. We had just lost my husband's mother a year earlier and it seemed to make this even harder to deal with.

JoAnn was a loving grandmother to my husband and to my children and doted upon them day in and day out. Nothing brightened her day more than seeing the children. My kids spent a lot of time with her, weekly family dinners, babysitting when she was in better health, just stopping by to check in on her and say "hi". She was 82 when she passed away and lived a very full and happy life. She was a joy to be around and I very much enjoyed spending time with her. We will all miss her very much!

Earth has no sorrow that Heaven cannot heal. ~Author Unknown

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart,
and my portion for ever.

Psalm 73:26

August 2010, Brennan, Wynter, Phoenix, and Grandma JoAnn

August 2010, Wynter and Grandma JoAnn

Our wedding ceremony

Grandma JoAnn being escorted down the aisle at our wedding

Our Wedding, May 24, 2008, Photo of all Nate's grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Grandma JoAnn is up front with the pink pants and white sweater, next to Wynter and Phoenix, Nate is two rows back, next to his dad.

2008, Brennan, Addison (my niece), Phoenix, Wynter, and Grandma JoAnn

Nate and his grandma JoAnn

Flying Solo

As most of you know, I'm divorced, and while B's dad has not played an active part in his life, B is still close to his biological dad's family. When we moved to Maryland his grandma asked if he could fly unaccompanied, to which I firmly said no. He was 9 years old, not an experienced flier, and was not ready.

Fast forward 18 months, B is now 10 1/2 and will be flying unaccompanied for the first time over the Thanksgiving holiday. I am not excited about it but after discussing it with my hubby we both decided we thought he was ready and it was time to let go a little bit.

I know I can't keep my kids young forever and I know I need to let them grow up, little by little. Growing up meaning becoming independent, being responsible, and I know that kids cannot become both independent and responsible while being smothered by their parents.

A major reason for me coming to my decision is the fact that once he is 12 years old flying as an unaccompanied minor isn't even an option. Once he is 12, if I want him to fly without me he is totally on his own. Since we live across the country from all our family I definitely wanted him to have 1 or 2 practice runs, flying as an unaccompanied minor before he turns 12 and would have to fly completely independent.

Another reason I decided it is ok is because he is on a non-stop flight and a flight attendant will at least be available if he needs anything. I've been on flights with unaccompanied minors before and I am not fooling myself. I know the flight attendant will not be babysitting him but if he asks for something, they should get it for him, and they should check on him a few times throughout the flight.

I will also go with him through security, to the gate, and watch his flight take off. With his flight being non-stop all his grandma has to do is arrive early enough on the other side to get through the ticket counter and security and it should go off without a hitch.

Maturity-wise, I definitely know he is ready. I've heard from countless people how mature and independent he is. He is the type of kid that can make decisions quickly and take charge if need be. He won't let people push him around. Yet he is a good listener. He can sit quietly for extended periods of time, reading, and playing his DS.

He thinks he is ready and is very excited to fly solo. This is a biggie for me. To send a scared child on a plane alone seems very unfair. He keeps telling everyone how worried I am and how he is not worried one bit, just excited.

Despite all the logical reasoning I have done to be okay with him flying alone I still have several concerns. My biggest concern is flight time. His flight on the way there is 4 hours. 4 hours is a long flight for me and I start to get antsy after being cooped up in a tight space for 4 hours straight. He tends to want to get up and walk around or have to go to the bathroom a lot when he starts getting bored. I hope he can make it through his flight only getting up 2-3 times.

I am a little concerned about where he'll sit and who he'll sit by. The last flight I was on put the unaccompanied minors in the bulk head seating where they had no access to their bag during take off and landing. This would cause a problem for B. I am going to ask if he can sit up front, but in the 2nd row so he has access to his bag and on the aisle so he doesn't have to climb over people when he gets up. I already reminded him that if he feels uncomfortable with the people sitting next to him he can discreetly ask the flight attendant to move. Generally on flights people are friendly and accommodating but God forbid he sits next to some creep.

I also slightly concerned that the flight attendant assigned to him will be less than helpful. The last flight I was on with unaccompanied minors the flight attendant seemed annoyed she had to deal with the kids and was a bit short with them. If B thinks he is being ignored or wronged by someone he tends to argue, which can get him in trouble. I hope he gets someone pleasant and helpful and that he does as he is told to do.

Lastly I am concerned that the pick up on the other end will not go smoothly. Getting through the Southwest ticket counter isn't too bad but security at the Denver airport can take forever. I've also had Southwest flights land up to 25 minutes early. Add in the fact that his grandma is traveling from about an hour away and needs to allow time to park. The whole equation leaves me a little nervous. There are many spots where she could get tripped up or delayed. If B gets off the flight and his grandma isn't there I know he will not fret and I know the flight attendant or gate agent will stay with him. I just hope she gets there extra early and just hangs out. When he comes back home I plan to get to the airport 2 hours early, even though it has never taken me more than 45 minutes to park, wait in line, and go through security. I would rather be extra early and use that time to read or play on my laptop, than to not be there when my baby boy arrives back home.

So this is the big issue for our family this week. Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any suggestions? Things he needs to bring I may not be thinking of? Things I need to talk to him about before he leaves? This mama is worried so even some encouragement would be appreciated. Thanks, you guys are great!

Gone But Not Forgotten

A year ago today a beautiful soul left this earth. Linda, we miss you and still think of you often. Thanks for being a great mom to my husband, grandmother to my kids, and mother-in-law to me. We love you!

Letting Your Children Grow Up

Tuesday evening I sent my oldest child B to Colorado with his grandma for two weeks. It hurts my heart to have him away from me but I realize as children get older you have to learn to be able to do these sort of things, to give them some freedom, to allow them to learn, allow them to experience their world.



As a mom you carry this child inside you for 9 months, nurture them, help them grow, and the minute you lay eyes upon them and they are placed in your arms, you love them more than you ever thought possible. It is amazing thing, the bond between mother and child.



In the car on the way to the airport B got a bloody nose, this happens to him often so we sat in the car in the parking garage waiting for it to stop, after 15 minutes and no sign of it stopping I began to get worried. Finally after almost 30 minutes I got his nose to stop bleeding and we could finally check his bag and get him through security.



While sitting in the car a host of emotions flew through my mind, what if I can't get it to stop, what do I do, certainly security will not approve of him walking through with bodily fluids freely flowing, maybe this is a sign, maybe he isn't supposed to get on that plane. I brushed it off and continued on to meet his grandma at the gate.



We made it through security with little incident except one of the TSA agents telling me I look too young to be B's mom (my favorite comment from strangers). We made it to the gate to wait for his grandma. After she arrived I made sure I got extra hugs and kisses from him since I wouldn't see him again for two weeks. This is when the feeling in the pit of my stomach began to sink in.



It is such a crazy feeling, to have your emotions take over, to have something feel so wrong when logically you know it is perfectly fine. B was in the care of his grandma who loves him dearly and I would see him again in two weeks. It should be no big deal but it really took all I had to not cry. Looking back I probably should've let myself cry once I got to my car just to get it all out.



As parents we have to go through this stuff whether it kills us emotionally or not. Like it or not my B is growing up. Now he is traveling away from me for 2 weeks, next year he'll most likely fly unaccompanied, in high school he'll be more independent than I can imagine, and then he'll be gone, I'll be dropping him off at college to start a life of his own.



Man, being a parent is hard! I wish I could just keep them little forever. You know that stage where they are little and cute and still need their moms? Honestly, I miss that! I know this is life and it is inevitable that they grow up but it is so hard for this mama to be away from her boy.

A Recipe For a Crabby Mama

Take 1 mom (that's me)

Add 3 children

Add an additional 2-4 neighbor children in her house throughout various parts of the day

Don't allow the mom to leave the house without at least 1 of her children in tow for 10 days

Add various things going wrong plus kids getting sick

Add stress of two impending vacations (and everything that needs done for the trips)

EQUALS

1 mama who is really, really, crabby but doesn't really know why


This is where I was on Monday night. Thank the Lord I married such a sweet, thoughtful man. When he got home from work I told him it seemed like everything was going wrong and I was very crabby for no good reason. He promptly told me to take some time for myself, go to Starbucks, buy myself a drink, and spend an hour reading, alone, without my kids. At that moment I could've sworn he was an angel! Being the blog-loving mama I am I took my laptop instead of my book and spent a fabulous hour all to myself, on my laptop, sipping a cinnamon dolce latte, that was also made to perfection.

Guess what ladies? I came home feeling refreshed. It truly is amazing how a little bit of time to yourself can change your whole outlook. When I got home from my little break hubby made tilapia and green beans for dinner. Tuesday night I was able to go for a run, hubby started dinner, then he helped check the kids workbooks (by help I mean he did 90% of it). Thank you hubby! You are great!

Thoughts on Being a Teen Mom: Part 4: My Happily Ever After

So there it was, December 30, 2005, my first Match.com date, with a very promising guy. He looked cute in his pictures, we had a lot in common, and enjoyed talking to each other on the phone, all pluses. He didn't have a cell phone so when he showed up at the wrong Starbucks for our date I was a little worried. You see in Colorado there literally is a Starbucks on every corner. So when we decided to meet at a Starbucks somewhere in the middle of our two places, I meant the one outside but attached to the mall. He, being his laid back self, asked for no more details, even though he had never been to this part of town before. He ended up at the Starbucks at the shopping center across the street from the mall. Well fate and God were on our side because just as the Starbucks barista was trying to hit on him, he asked to use the phone to call me. I of course didn't hear the phone and upon receiving the message, promptly began panicking, by calling my sister who lived right next to the mall and asking her where the other Starbucks was, hoping my date was still there by the time I got there and that he didn't think he had been ditched.

I am happy to say, I made it there, and the rest is history. Ok just kidding, the story continues. He looked similar to his pictures online and was cute. I liked him, he was kind of quiet, kind of shy, different than any of the other guys I dated. He seemed like a real gentleman, holding the door for me, walking to my car, not trying to kiss me. We sat and talked for 3 hours when we finally parted ways and went back home to pick up our kids. At the end of our date I forced a hug out of my shy guy, and I think he said something like, "I'd really like to see you again, if you want to, if that's ok with you" or some similar stumbling version of asking me out again. Oh my gosh, too cute! Later when I asked him about his first impression of me, he said he thought I was hot; and tall (I wore 3inch boots that day).

We talked on the phone more and set up our next date for 6 days later. This time he planned a date to the Boulder Dinner Theater, a nice little dinner theater near my hometown. I was excited to see him again and I was excited that he planned a nice date. We met up at the dinner theater and I could tell he was really nervous. I thought it was really cute though, he must really like me if he acting all shy and nervous. He didn't try to make a move but finally got up the nerve to hold my hand, wasn't he so cute! I had been plotting about our first kiss and didn't want it to be in the parking lot. It was only our second date but I had a feeling this was going somewhere. After the show I suggested we go to Flagstaff Mountain to the overlook to see the city. It is a truly a beautiful view. After taking him up there I forced him to kiss me. Fine, I didn't force him but the setting was perfect. We shared our first kiss on Flagstaff mountain where he would later propose and later we would wed, how sweet!

We both really liked each other and couldn't wait to see each other again. Scheduling dates as single parents is complicated because you don't only have your two schedules to work with but you have two babysitters schedules to work with. Somehow we managed to go on at least 1 date a week for those first 6 months.

Over that first month our relationship progressed. I brought him as my date to my work Christmas party and took him along to meet my friends. After a couple weeks he officially asked me to be his girlfriend and promptly took down his match.com profile. He was officially off the market and all mine.

After a month or so we decided it was time for the kids to meet. We were exclusively dating and were hoping to spend more time together. The first meeting was for dinner at my house, low key, and it went great. B having been an only child his whole life was thrilled to have playmates. Wyn loved to talk and talk and talk (in circles even, still does) and kept going on and on about when they could visit us next, FiFi didn't say much but laughed and played and well that is FiFi. I can picture that first day well but it is hard to imagine the kids were only 5, 5, and 3, so little and so cute!

After that we tried to keep weekly dates with just me and hubby and twice a week we would go to each others house for dinner, one day a week at his house, one day a week at my house, one date a week in the middle. 50 miles is a long drive, 100 round trip and about an hour each way without traffic, it suffices to say we both put a lot of miles on our cars that first year.

It didn't take long for things in our relationship to get more serious, we told each other we loved each other 6 weeks into our relationship though we both had known for weeks. Around this time I had this crazy idea of going to Vegas together for spring break. He thought it sounded fun so after less than 3 months of dating we took our first trip together to Vegas for the weekend. During that trip hubby told me he could see himself marrying me and I felt the same way. I knew he was the one. His family swore we eloped during this trip but obviously they didn't know me very well.

We continued our crazy, busy lives, balancing three kids, two school schedules, and various part-time jobs for me. B continued at his private school for 1st grade where we lived and Wyn started kindergarten near hubby's house. I still had a year left on my Bachelor degree, hubby had two more years to finish his degree.

We talked about marriage and continued dating. Hubby is a stubborn one. Although he took me to look at engagement rings in June, giving me the impression he was going to propose in the next month or two, he didn't buy my ring until the end of October. He then didn't propose until February. I swear, he was killing me with suspense. I thought for sure when he hadn't proposed by our one year anniversary that would be when he would do it. Our plans got rescheduled due to the Christmas blizzard of 2006 and the date came and went. He finally proposed on our date celebrating my birthday and Valentine's Day (the dates are a week apart). On February 10, 2007, hubby took me back to all our first date spots, including Flagstaff Mountain where our first kiss was and proposed. Aww...how sweet!

With our school schedules we had limited windows where we could both get married and take a honeymoon, either 2 weeks in May or 2 weeks in August. August in Colorado is typically hot and I had always wanted a spring wedding so we settled on May 2008, and a 15 month engagement. Since we were engaged and my lease was up at the end of May 2007, B and I packed up and moved in with hubby and the girls.

That May, I am proud to say I graduated from the University of Colorado with a Bachelor degree in Political Science with a 3.3 GPA and my family by my side. It was a very proud moment for me and I felt like all my hard work was paying off. I was a college graduate, the first in my family to graduate with a Bachelor degree.

Over the summer I interned at a lobbying firm that deals in local Denver politics. It was an exciting job that I really enjoyed. The hours were long, the pay not so good, and the stress level high, so when they let me know they didn't have any opening in the fall, I was both a bit disappointed and a bit relieved. I continued to look for work and within a couple months starting working at a large IP law firm in downtown Denver, using both my Bachelor degree in political science and my paralegal certificate that I had earned many years before. I was disappointed in the pay but excited for the possibilities the future held.

B took a little time adjusting to his new school in 2nd grade. Going from private to public school was both good and bad for him. On the good side the behavioral expectations were somewhat relaxed and he rarely got in trouble at his new school. On the bad side, the work was too easy, while he was pulled out for both reading and math for GT, but it really wasn't enough.

Wyn and B took some time to figure out their new roles in our family. They both were previously the oldest child and both like to be in charge, B a little more so. They are only 6 months apart in age so they do butt heads some. The fact that they are in separate grades has been our saving grace, this way each child has their own space. B has slide into the role of oldest child taking on the most responsibility, and Wyn into the role of middle child, although she is also very responsible. I see their relationship much like any other siblings that are close in age (10-15 months apart). Both of them can agree on one thing, they love FiFi and will do anything to protect her and keep an eye out for her. FiFi very much enjoys the role of baby in our family. Although she is 7 years old, she plays it up every chance she can.

Our wedding date came quickly, with all the preparing and planning for a traditional wedding. Neither hubby and I had a traditional wedding the first time and wanted our wedding to be special. Our wedding date was May 24, 2008, and it was held at the amphitheater a Flagstaff Mountain in Boulder, Colorado, a beautiful natural stone amphitheater overlooking the entire city. The views are truly breathtaking and of course Flagstaff mountain holds a special place in hubby and my heart. Our reception followed at a local hotel and we even partied into the night at the hotel bar, it truly was a wonderful evening and everything went off perfectly. Two days after our wedding we left for 8 days in Maui, which still is my most amazing vacation to date. I was so happy to have married my best friend that day and am still happy almost 2 years later.

So where are we now? In December of 2008, hubby after being in the Navy for 6 years, graduated with his Bachelor degree in Mechanical Engineering from the University of Colorado. His job search after graduation took us here to Maryland, where he currently works for a small company as a Senior Engineer doing power plant training, operating manuals, and consulting work. I am working as a nanny to 9 month old twin girls and love every minute of it. Our kids are now in 4th, 3rd, and 1st grade and doing fabulous. Life really couldn't be better. I am glad I got my happily ever after. It took a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, but it just proves with hard work and a little determination you can accomplish anything.

If you missed it:

Part 3: The Baby is Born

Part 2: Pregnancy

Part 1: How I Became a Teen Mom

The Quest For Perfection

I have a confession to make. I am a perfectionist. Those of you who know me in real life know this already. I rarely do things perfectly but I constantly seek to. This is one of my personality traits, just as I am a planner, and very detail oriented. Being a perfectionist is not bad in and of itself but can be bad if you can't sometimes let things go.

As a mom of three, and a household manager of five, perfection is a unattainable goal. The members of my family are as diverse in personality as the colors of the rainbow. Some of my family members, while of course not perfect, handle this side of my personality well, other members of my family end up feeling like no matter what they do it is never good enough. This of course is not my goal.

Hubby is funny, in a smart aleck sarcastic way, but he is also loving, and caring, and an amazing best friend. I truly enjoy his company more than anyone else on this planet. He is not a planner, he is laid back, goes with the flow. He is not a perfectionist, he is a doer, he gets things done.

B is very similar in personality to me. Of course he is his own person, with his own traits, but he really is more like me than not, God help him! He does not seem to mind my perfectionism but probably since he is a lot like me.

Wyn is a different personality all together. She is not like me or hubby. Actually hubby says he sees a lot of his ex-wife's personality in Wyn. She is the middle child and often feels like she is stuck in the middle, not the oldest and in charge but not the baby and coddled. She is a bit of a pleaser and she gets most frustrated when she spends time cleaning her room and I find 10 more things that need done.

FiFi is very similar in personality to hubby. They both are more quiet and reserved in personality, until they are comfortable with you. FiFi is generally a very compliant child but more emotional than any of my other two children, as the slightest thing sends her to tears. She doesn't seem as bothered by my quest for perfection but sometimes simply asking her to clean her room can send her to tears so you never really know.

As a mother and wife, I have to balance my needs with the needs of my family. I struggle with my need for everything to be perfect. I want my kids to look nice, with matching clothes, and clean faces, and brushed hair. I want my kids to be well behaved but I think I have realistic expectations for how nine and seven year olds behave. My biggest struggle recently is in keeping the house clean. My kids think everything thrown about is a fine way to live. Hubby can step over the trash on the floor and wet towels on the floor. I cannot!

I know some people will say, "give up, just let your kids rooms be disasters and just focus on the rest of your your house." I have tried this. It simply does not work for me. I cannot handle the clutter! I am not a crazy clean freak myself but the clutter makes me crazy. I can handle clutter to a certain degree but when every room upstairs looks like a bomb went off I refuse to just leave it like that day after day. The thing I cannot understand is how is gets so messy so quickly. Within in an hour or two it looks like a bomb has went off again. It is not just toys, it is trash, it is dirty laundry, it is wet towels, and it is just too much.

I know it is their age but I do not understand why they cannot clean up an activity when they are done with it, before they move the next activity. It really is not that hard and would make picking up their rooms at the end of the day a snap.

So moms, weigh in. What are your house rules? Do you insist your kids pick up after themselves? Do you feel like a maid? Do your kids pitch in? Do you pay your kids allowance based upon their rooms being cleaned and helping around the house?

Generally my kids are very helpful and even help with household chores like taking out the trash or washing dishes when asked. I think they have gotten old enough that I need to institute some sort of chore chart and weekly allowance to manage it. In theory I think this would put the responsibility back on to them and leave everyone feeling less frustrated.

A Lesson In Mercy

Being a parent is a tough job. I wish I could back to the days when I worried about when to start solids or if I was doing this potty training thing right. I've worked with babies and toddlers and preschoolers my whole life. I get them! Even after a horrible tantrum they are so stinking cute and you chalk most it up to their age and move on.

But big kids like my school age children are hard! I spend a lot of time second guessing myself. I get frustrated when the kids don't listen, when they are naughty, when they are irresponsible. While I love my children more than anything on this earth and consider each one my friend, I feel strongly that my job as parent is not to be their friend but to love them and set guidelines to help them succeed. I am to love, nurture, and support them, yet teach them responsibility, humility, and compassion, as well as that every choice has natural consequences.

Really what it comes down to is I have a short time with my kids and in that time I have to teach them to be responsible adults that can function in society.

Sometimes I think I am too hard, nothing is ever good enough, but I am often complimented on my children's manners and good behavior. To me it feels like chaos more often than not. If I was much more relaxed it would be complete chaos all the time.

Last night Wyn got caught lying. Not just any lie but she watched her sister get in trouble for her bad deed. This blows me away, that my children don't have the integrity to not lie in the first place, but that they will sit back and let someone else take their punishment.

We drilled FiFi about the deed after all three children swore they did not do it. I can read B pretty well and after some initial discussion was pretty sure it was not him. Wyn never lies so I really did not think it was her. Besides her tantrums, pouting, and attitude she rarely gets in trouble.

FiFi on the other hand is in the middle of a lying phase. She is 6 and get caught lying on a somewhat regular basis. FiFi is always punished for lying more severely than if she would've told the truth to start with. I remember B going through a phase of lying around 4 or 5 so I keep hoping it passes quickly.

After the truth was finally revealed, hubby and I realized we had been hounding the wrong child. We both were certain it was FiFi since she has lied to us in the manner before and never gives herself up. Boy did I feel like crap! It just proved to me that I cannot assume I know the truth. That I must show all my children mercy. Did I mention being a parent is hard?

Dear My Lovely Bloggy Friends

You may or may not have noticed that I have sucked at posting lately and even sucked more at commenting on your blogs. Oh how I love blogging, writing, and reading your wonderful thoughts but I have come to a big realization that I spend entirely too much time on the internet!

Yesterday I took a full day to be unplugged. I did not check email, I did not check Facebook, I did not check Blogger, heck I didn't even check my bank account. The only thing I opened the computer for was to Google the phone number for my pharmacy but that was out of sheer necessity.

I have been feeling quite overwhelmed lately. There is never enough time to get to all the stuff I need to do done, let alone to please all the people I need to please. When I am stressed I become a crabby, agitated version of myself. I get easily annoyed with my children and yell way too much. I hate it! I truly hate it!

I would like to say instead of apending time on the internet that I had some time to unwind, some time to get caught up on laundry, heck some time to balance the stupid Cub Scout books that I agreed to take over when I knew I had too much on my plate. I merely made it through the drudgery of another day. Honestly I feel like I have been sucking at everything lately, which in turn makes me feel sucky (is sucky even a word?). The only thing I feel like I haven't been sucking too bad at lately is my nanny job but I still struggle to make it to on time everyday. I usually am 1 or 2 minutes late and never wear makeup anymore, heck I am lucky if I got a shower the night before. I stumble in with clean clothes, my teeth brushed, my hair brushed, not having eaten, coffee in hand, still have a sleep, but I try to do it with a smile and hope they don't judge me for seeming so un-put-together. I try to be put-together but I am failing miserably lately.

I don't have much Christmas spirit yet but I have put that on the back burner until the weekend of the 12th. Sure I've picked up my holiday cards and addressed half. Heck I even ordered a bunch of cool presents to mail to my family that already shipped to me but the Christmas music on my regular radio station has been annoying me not putting me in the spirit. December 12th will come, I will pull all our decorations out of the attic, and hopefully that will put me in the Christmas spirit.

I will still be here and I will still comment when I can and even post some but until the end of the year you may not see me as much as you are used to. I have to get my personal life in order and try regain some sense of control over my household of five.

I know my job is a financial necessity to us at this stage of our lives and I truly love the babies I nanny for dearly, they bring me a lot of joy, but managing a household of 5 people, with 3 kids under 10 is a full-time job. I struggle with working full-time and managing the household full-time. I once again feel like my job gets the best of me and my family gets the leftovers, which end up being the worst of me.

B pointed it out best the other day when he said he misses me. When I tucked him in at night he said, "Mom it is 20 hours until I see you again and I miss you!" Ouch that hurt! I leave work before my kids are up in the morning so I tuck them in at night around 8pm and then don't see them until 4pm the next day. Even then I only get 4 out of 24 hours per day with them. So sad!

For now I may not be around much but at the end of December I get twelve days off from work, paid! I hope to use that time to get more organized and really get into the groove of my life as it is now. I will miss you all and stop by as much as I can!

Have you ever lost your cool?

Do you have someone in your family that you love more than anything that also can push your buttons more than anyone else?

Is it one of your children, your mother, your sister, or your husband?

Have you had one of those afternoons where it seems like one simple thing after another is pissing you off?

And then that "button pusher" of yours just sends you over the edge?

That is what happened to me today.

I love my hubby more than anything. He truly is a wonderful husband, partner, father, and friend, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

He is not good at giving me space when I am upset or have hit my limit of stress. Instead he pushes and pushes and follows me around until I break.

I do not like the uncontrollable anger and frustration I feel when I reach my breaking point. Usually after a few minutes alone and a good cry. I am good, just feel like crap for losing my cool. At least it has only happened a couple times ever and the last time was about 2 years ago but I still hate it!

I suppose a good, controlled cry more often would be better for me than holding it all in until I explode.

Now please tell me I am not alone. Everyone gets pushed over the edge once in awhile, right? right?

In Loving Memory

In loving memory of Linda Lee Fletcher, February 20, 1958-November 8, 2009.

Thank you for being a wonderful mother to my husband, a loving grandmother to my children, and a great mother-in-law to me. We love you more than words can express and will miss you deeply, now, forever, and always.

Grandma Linda with Wyn, my niece, FiFi, and B

Thanksgiving 2008

Grandma Linda, FiFi, and Wyn
September 2005 brother-in-law and sister-in-law's wedding

Hubby, his mom, and his brother

2004

Keep The Prayers Coming

My MIL has now been in hospice care for about two weeks. The past few days she has not been able to tolerate her feedings and her body is beginning to shut down. No one was sure she would make it through the night last night. She is still fighting today but she won't make it much longer.

-Please pray for my MIL. Pray for peace and comfort for her during this difficult time. Pray she is not in pain.

-Pray for my husband and his family.

-Pray for my kids.
They have experienced some family deaths but this is the first person who they were pretty close to. Now that they are older I think it is more difficult for them. My grandpa passed away when B was 2 1/2 but he does not remember, just has pictures of him with my grandpa. My grandma (on the other side of my family) passed away two years ago. She was ill for many years, in nursing care, and suffering from severe dementia. I was very sad to see her go but I was at peace that she was no longer in pain, confused, or worried. B was sad when she passed but she was already in nursing care for dementia when he was born. He never got to know her the way I did. As indicated last night this is going to be pretty rough on them, especially Wyn, who is very empathetic and old enough to really understand what is going on.

-Pray that I can help my husband, and kids through this difficult time.

Thanks everyone! You are wonderful!

Prayers Needed!

My mother in law is very ill. She has had MS for many years but her health has been going downhill at a rapid pace the past year or so. She is hospitalized now with what they think is the flu but she was not that well before. She is going to be transferred either to hospice or a nursing home as a terminal patient when she leaves the hospital. She may only have months left but most likely weeks or days.

Hubby decided Tuesday he needed to fly to Colorado to be with her this weekend, a decision I encouraged. Wednesday she was unresponsive, further reaffirming his decision to go as soon as possible. Thank Goodness yesterday she was sounding better on the phone and was able to talk to hubby on the phone as long as someone held the phone for her (she is completely bedridden and cannot move at all).

-Please pray for his mom. Pray for peace and comfort at this difficult time for her. Please pray she is not in pain and if it is God's will, pray she will be healed.
-Pray for my hubby. I cannot imagine losing my mom at this point in my life. Pray for peace for him, pray that he can be a comfort and support to his mom.
-Pray for his family. They have some difficult decisions ahead. Please pray for wisdom for his family as they decide what is best for his mom in connection with her wishes.

Thanks everyone! My kids are already driving me crazy this morning (no school day) and we have a long weekend inside ahead. B and FiFi had pneumonia last week and still have bad coughs so we are skipping soccer, basketball, church, etc. plus the weather is supposed to be rainy and cold. Hopefully I can get some stuff done around my house, like finish painting my bedroom which I should have done a month ago.

It's My Blog and I'll Cry If I Want To

Cry if I want to, you would cry too if it happened to you!

This is an exciting week for me. I posted my first review with includes a giveaway. I had all sorts of exciting content floating around in my head. What to wear on Broadway? Girls Night Out with lots of booty shaking and a few drinks, plus we have done lots of fun blog worthy family events such as Hershey Park and the Renaissance Festival, but honestly I don't feel up to any of it. I am sick and I am stressed and I need to vent, thank you very much!

First off, I am sick. Not deathly ill, stay in bed sick, but congestion, coughing fits, low energy, and generally feeling like crap, sick. I don't think I have the flu. I've had it before and felt a lot worse, plus I don't have a fever and that is a pretty important flu symptom. Since everyone is rightfully paranoid about getting sick we skipped church, I skipped Cub Scouts, and tried to rest as much as possible yesterday. I can never rest as much as I need to and never can get into bed when I should.

I start my new job tomorrow. Of course this job involves watching twin infants who I bet their parents would love to get sick. I can't stay home every time I have a cold. Lots of hand sanitizer and hand washing. This is my first job outside the home full-time in a year so I am concerned how the laundry, dishes, cleaning, and errand running will all get done. I know it will come.

Hubby and I are headed to NYC this weekend for 3 days. I am beyond excited for the alone time with my hubby and to see NYC. As an added bonus I even won tickets to see Rock of Ages from Babies Gotta Have It! Score! This is not stressful but trying to get well before we leave is.

On a much more serious note Hubby and I have been considering adopting each other kids for awhile now. Their other biological parents are uninvolved and all three of them live with us full-time. It has been almost 2 years or more since their other biological parents have visited them. Until recently the girls mom didn't call for the past 8 months. At this point a monthly or bi-monthly 10 minute call is too little, too late. Nate has had the girls full-time since they were 3 months and 2 1/2. She has only even seen FiFi 4 separate times in her life. This is VERY stressful for me. I was hoping to file the paperwork pro se (without an attorney) but after speaking to the clerk of the court the State of Maryland makes it nearly impossible for anyone to file an adoption pro se. I found an attorney near by who does stepparent adoptions and spoke with his paralegal who seemed experienced in the matter. I made an appointment for a week from Monday. The problem is this opens up a whole new can of worms. Am I doing the right thing? I think I am. Is this really what is best for the kids? I know in my heart it is. Is this what they want? I spoke with them in depth this evening and they all are in agreement. Will their other biological parents ever be able to truly parent them? No, I know they won't. How dramatic and drawn out is this going to be? God only knows! How much is it going to cost? And arm and a leg knowing my luck. Can we really afford it now or should we wait 6 months until we are more financially stable? We can't really afford it. We are drowning in debt but what the heck is another few thousand dollars.What if something goes wrong? I logically know it won't but hubby thinks in worse case scenarios. What if they don't find in our favor? We won't be any worse off than we are now.

So, that is my vent. I hate to be a downer but this blog is truly for me and if I can't use it to vent then what is the point?