Friday, September 4, 2009

Each Relationship Between Two Persons is Absolutely Unique. That is Why You Cannot Love Two People the Same.

I just finished reading "The Shack" by WM. Paul Young. It was very thought provoking to say the least. As a Christian is throws all your ideas about who God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are out the window. Not in a I don't believe in God way, but a why does God have to be depicted as a white male sort of way? God doesn't let evil happen but instead wishes to preserve free will, sort of way. Very thought provoking and a great read that I would highly recommend.

As a parent and more specifically as a step-parent a certain part of the book hit home with me. I don't often refer to myself as a step-parent. All three of our kids live with my husband and myself full-time with almost no contact from their other biological parent. I may not have given birth to these two girls but they are my kids.

On page 215 is the following part:

"Each relationship between two persons is absolutely unique. That is why you cannot love two people the same. It is simply is not possible. You love each person differently because of who they are and the uniqueness that they draw out of you. And the more you know another, the richer...that relationship."

This hit home with me. When I was pregnant with B I fell madly in love with this baby growing inside me. I loved him more than anything in this world and my love for him has only grown. My job as his mommy was not only to love him but to nurture and protect him.

Then I met my husband. I love him differently and I got that. I not only had a deep love for him that has grown over time but a romantic love for him. I don't love him because I have known him my whole life but I am in love with hubby and he is my best friend. A very different kind of love than what I feel for B but equally strong and I understand why. B was my child but hubby was both my partner in life and best friend.

Now here come the complicated part. I have always felt like it was wrong for me to have a different love for FiFi, and a different love for Wyn. I don't love the two of them the same, of course not, they are very different people, and I don't love them the same as B or the same as hubby. I don't love them more or less but differently. I always thought there was something wrong with this, something wrong with me, but now I am beginning to realize this is what all parents feel. "You cannot love two people the same."

So mamas of more than one please tell me I am not crazy. Please tell me you love each of your children not more or less but differently, because of their unique personality, and this is the God given way it is supposed to be. While reading this book I seriously had an "aha" moment.


Gina said...

I had SO many aha moments while reading The Shack. I loved it so much. It made me feel less guilty about not going to church, because I feel like I am closer to God in other places. It validated my opinion that I can have a relationship with Her ;) without a strict religion. It's one of my favorite books ever!

Evolving Mommy Catherine said...

Well I don't know about loving 2 kids differently but I do know that you are a wonderful mother and your love for your children always shows through. It would make sense to me that you would love them all differently because they are all very different people.

Brittany Ann said...

I think this is so true! I love my students, but all differently. The loves of our life all fill different needs and strengths and weaknesses, etc., so every relationship is different!

I need to read The Shack!

Unknown said...

The Shack has been sitting on my bedside table for 6 mths. And I worried about having #2 b/c I was scared I wouldn't love another like #1, but now I have 3. And love them all differently.

Mandy said...

Several people have recommended this book to me recently as I struggle with my faith and I'm not sure what I believe. After reading this post, I think I will pick up a copy of this book - not just b/c I think it might break down stereotypes about faith/religion but I think I might help me in life situations as it has yours. Thanks! Oh, and I'm stopping by from SITS.