You may or may not have noticed that I have sucked at posting lately and even sucked more at commenting on your blogs. Oh how I love blogging, writing, and reading your wonderful thoughts but I have come to a big realization that I spend entirely too much time on the internet!
Yesterday I took a full day to be unplugged. I did not check email, I did not check Facebook, I did not check Blogger, heck I didn't even check my bank account. The only thing I opened the computer for was to Google the phone number for my pharmacy but that was out of sheer necessity.
I have been feeling quite overwhelmed lately. There is never enough time to get to all the stuff I need to do done, let alone to please all the people I need to please. When I am stressed I become a crabby, agitated version of myself. I get easily annoyed with my children and yell way too much. I hate it! I truly hate it!
I would like to say instead of apending time on the internet that I had some time to unwind, some time to get caught up on laundry, heck some time to balance the stupid Cub Scout books that I agreed to take over when I knew I had too much on my plate. I merely made it through the drudgery of another day. Honestly I feel like I have been sucking at everything lately, which in turn makes me feel sucky (is sucky even a word?). The only thing I feel like I haven't been sucking too bad at lately is my nanny job but I still struggle to make it to on time everyday. I usually am 1 or 2 minutes late and never wear makeup anymore, heck I am lucky if I got a shower the night before. I stumble in with clean clothes, my teeth brushed, my hair brushed, not having eaten, coffee in hand, still have a sleep, but I try to do it with a smile and hope they don't judge me for seeming so un-put-together. I try to be put-together but I am failing miserably lately.
I don't have much Christmas spirit yet but I have put that on the back burner until the weekend of the 12th. Sure I've picked up my holiday cards and addressed half. Heck I even ordered a bunch of cool presents to mail to my family that already shipped to me but the Christmas music on my regular radio station has been annoying me not putting me in the spirit. December 12th will come, I will pull all our decorations out of the attic, and hopefully that will put me in the Christmas spirit.
I will still be here and I will still comment when I can and even post some but until the end of the year you may not see me as much as you are used to. I have to get my personal life in order and try regain some sense of control over my household of five.
I know my job is a financial necessity to us at this stage of our lives and I truly love the babies I nanny for dearly, they bring me a lot of joy, but managing a household of 5 people, with 3 kids under 10 is a full-time job. I struggle with working full-time and managing the household full-time. I once again feel like my job gets the best of me and my family gets the leftovers, which end up being the worst of me.
B pointed it out best the other day when he said he misses me. When I tucked him in at night he said, "Mom it is 20 hours until I see you again and I miss you!" Ouch that hurt! I leave work before my kids are up in the morning so I tuck them in at night around 8pm and then don't see them until 4pm the next day. Even then I only get 4 out of 24 hours per day with them. So sad!
For now I may not be around much but at the end of December I get twelve days off from work, paid! I hope to use that time to get more organized and really get into the groove of my life as it is now. I will miss you all and stop by as much as I can!